(NEWS FLASH!!!)
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[scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:]
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"They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
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They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
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We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
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Has anyone seen the President's penis?"
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"It ain't in the Congress or Judiciary
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It ain't in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
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an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
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Has anyone seen the President's penis?"
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[now the entire press corp. erupts in song:]
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"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
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WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
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LORD, WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
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HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"
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[at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:]
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"Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
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in the 80's we elected one missing his brain
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George Washington caught a cold he couldn't explain
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and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson's name"?
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[suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:]
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"Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn't no square
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with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
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and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn't care
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and John Kennedy's penis was seen everywhere"?
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[once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:]
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"THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS IS MISSING OLE'!!!
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WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
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LORD WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
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HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S PENIS?"
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[the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:]
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"Them outer space people would laugh if they'd seen us
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all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
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meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
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but we're more concerned with the President's penis"?
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-----------------
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The President's Penis Is Missing
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| Drive-By Truckers |
