If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
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My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
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Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
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I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
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Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
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I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
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Chicks dig guys that are
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Queer guys that don't dig
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Chicks that don't dig guys like me
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See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
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But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
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Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
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Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
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But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
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Scoring with a super model would be easy
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Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
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Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
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That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
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No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
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I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
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Chicks dig guys that are
|
Queer guys that don't dig
|
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
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Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
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The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
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See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
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No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
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I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
|
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Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
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Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
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And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
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And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
|
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
|
Chicks dig guys that are
|
Queer guys that don't dig
|
Chicks dig guys that are
|
Queer guys that don't dig
|
Chicks dig guys that are
|
Queer guys that don't dig
|
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
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And I don't shave my heiny
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Don't shave my heiny
|
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
|
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-----------------
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I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
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| Bloodhound Gang |
