I grew up in a ghetto
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That was only one house wide
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With smiling suburbs all around
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And poverty inside
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The oldest of an army
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That the church was proud to claim
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And on the brink of womanhood
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I almost lost my name
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And I was
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Chorus: Quivering in my fever-life
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Wishing that I was dead
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Suddenly realizing they were
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Talking over my head
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Learning to speak their double-talk
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Facing each day with dread
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Waiting waiting waiting waiting
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Waiting for that first smear of red
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For God was my delirium and sisterhood my goal
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But my church began to wonder
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If the commies had a soul
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And the day I saw a bishop
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With an M-1 in his hand
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Was the last day of my life
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Beneath hypocrisy?s command
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But I was..
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(chorus)
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My wishes all said "Woman"
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But my body answered "Child"
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My life was just a little odd
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My outlook warped and wild
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I told my inhibitions
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They would fall away someday
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The ghosts of them still haunt me
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And I cannot run away
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But I was--
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(chorus)
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I've had my turn as maiden, a longer one than most
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And I have been a mother
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For two girls, one boy, one ghost
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I'm looking toward my future
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And my chance to be the crone
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But although my life is crowded
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I am doing this alone
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And now I'm
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Last chorus:
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Quviering in my fever-life
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Wishing that time was dead
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Suddenly realizing that I'm
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Talking over your head
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Throwing away the double-talk
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Hanging on by a thread
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Waiting waiting waiting waiting
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Waiting for that last smear of red
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Words and music: Kathy Mar
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Copyright 2002 Kathy Mar
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Smear Of Red
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| Kathy Mar |
