I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
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With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
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When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
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Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
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I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"
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"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"
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"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
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I probably would have kept on guessing
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But about that time we crashed into the truck
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And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
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Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
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Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
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Everything you know is wrong
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Black is white, up is down and short is long
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And everything you thought was just so
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Important doesn't matter
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Everything you know is wrong
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Just forget the words and sing along
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All you need to understand is
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Everything you know is wrong
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I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
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When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
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And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
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Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
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They sucked out my internal organs
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And they took some polaroids
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And said I was a darn good sport
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And as a way of saying thank you
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They offered to transport me back to
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Any point in history that I would care to go
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And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
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So I could pay my phone bill on time
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Just then the floating disembodied head of
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Colonel Sanders started yelling
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Everything you know is wrong
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Black is white, up is down and short is long
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And everything you thought was just so
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Important doesn't matter
|
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Everything you know is wrong
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Just forget the words and sing along
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All you need to understand is
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Everything you know is wrong
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I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
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When I got a nasty papercut
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And, well, to make a long story short
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It got infected and I died
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So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
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By the pearly gates
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And it's obvious he doesn't like
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The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
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He tells me that they've got a dress code
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Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
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But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
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For all eternity
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And every day he runs by screaming
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Everything you know is wrong
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Black is white, up is down and short is long
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And everything you used to think was so important
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Doesn't really matter anymore
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Because the simple fact remains that
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Everything you know is wrong
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Just forget the words and sing along
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All you need to understand is
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Everything you know is wrong
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Everything you know is wrong
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-----------------
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Everything You Know Is Wrong
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Weird Al Yankovic |