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YOU'D ALREADY BEEN ABOUT HALF AN HOUR WITH YOUR PRE-CLUBBING SHOWER. I HAD ALWAYS PLANNED TO HAVE A LOOK IN YOUR SPECIAL WINNIE THE POOH BOOK. THE PLACE WAS MARKED AND IT WAS THERE IN BLUE AND WHITE - IT JUST SAID SIMPLY, "PAUL STAYED LAST NIGHT."
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NEXT I WAS ON THE BOG AND YOU GOT DOWN ON ONE KNEE. YOU WERE PROTESTING YOUR INNOCENCE AND YOU STARTED TO CRY JUST AS I STARTED TO PEE.
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YOU SAID, "I DIDN'T SHAG HIM, HE SLEPT ON THE COUCH IN THE KITCHEN. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE A GIRL, HE'S GOOD FOR A LAUGH AND HE'S GOOD FOR BITCHIN'."
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YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER BE WILLING OR ABLE. AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS MADE ON A FUCKING TABLE. ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR, I THINK HE HIDES THE BOLTS QUITE WELL, BUT AS SOON AS HE OPENS HIS MOUTH YOU CAN JUST TELL. I HAD JUST ASSUMED YOU'D COMPLETELY GONE OFF SHAGGING AND I CAN SEEN YOU WITH YOUR NEW UNI PALS, STANDING BRAGGING.
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NOW HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND AND I KNOW YOU WERE TALKING SHITE BUT YOU STILL DENIED IT WHEN I MET YOU AT SOMEONE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY THE OTHER NIGHT.
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YOU SAID, "I DIDN'T SHAG HIM, HE STAYED ON THE COUCH IN THE KITCHEN. HE'S JUST LIKE ONE OF THE GIRLS, WE HAVE A GOOD LAUGH WHEN WE'RE SITTING BITCHIN'."
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THE WORDS THAT YOU USED TO THINK TURNED ME ON JUST MADE ME LAUGH - "DO YOU WANT TO SUCK MY CUNT?" IN REAL LIFE JUST SOUNDS NAFF AND WHEN WE WERE WITH YOUR FRIENDS I JUST AS MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN NO ONE. AND YOU CAN'T GET OVER YOUR DEAD DOG - WELL, IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.
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PIGLET
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Arab Strap |