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WHEN YOU HEAR THE VERY LOUD BANG ACCOMPANIED BY THE FLASH,
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GO TO YOUR SHELTER IMMEDIATELY AND COVER THE VITAL PARTS WITH A
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SLIGHTLY DAMPENED TEATOWEL.
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STAY TUNED TO THE WORLD SERVICE OF THE BBC WHERE THERE WILL BE
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FURTHER BULLETINS ON THE HOUR.
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AND NOW, ROBERT ROBERTSON WITH "START THE WEEK".
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THERE IS SOMETHING WE WOULD SERIOUSLY LIKE TO SAY, (Hear! Hear! Say it!)
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TO OUR OLD COLONIAL COHORTS IN THE USA, (Are you listening, Yanks?)
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WITH OUR LIGHTLY DAMPENED TEATOWELS ON OUR HEADS. (Not easy to say that, is it? Nay!)
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....................PLAY IT CUTE, RON, TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE, RON.
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LET'S GET OUT AND NUKE THOSE NAUSEATING ............................(they make me sick!)
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AND WHEN YOU SHOOT, RON, LET'S MAKE IT NEUTRON BOMB. (Bomb, bomb, bomb, oh, how lovely!)
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SO WE'LL HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE WHEN WE'RE ALL DEAD. (Yes, we will)
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............................................FALLOUT SHELTER
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FOR THE AVERAGE FAMILY OF TWO ADULTS, 1 1/2 CHILDREN AND A SMALL JUMBUCK
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CAN BE EASILY CONSTRUCTED USING BLACK REFUSE SACKS, SHAVING FOAM AND TUNAFISH.
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HERE'S THAT NAUGHTY ATOM BOMB, WEAR AN EXTRA PAIR OF COMBS
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AND THEY VACATE YOUR HOUSES, LOOK OUT!
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HERE MATE, TAKE MY TIP, BETTER WEAR BICYCLE CLIPS WITH YOUR WARM BROWN TROUSERS.
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AY! LOOK OUT!
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HERE'S A NAUGHTY NUCLEAR THING, GIVE THE FIRE BRIGADE A RING,
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WE'LL NEED LOTS OF HOSES, LOOK OUT!
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TURN YOUR RADIO UP LOUD, THERE 'S AN IODINE CLOUD GETTING UP OUR NOSES.
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NOW, HERE'S A MESSAGE:
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IF YOU MUST LEAVE YOUR SHELTER, DO NOT BREATHE IN,
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HOWEVER, IT IS PERFECTLY SAFE TO EXHALE ONLY.
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AND NOW BACK TO ROBERT ROBERTSON WITH "START THE WEEK".
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AH, LOOK OUT!
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THERE'S A NAUGHTY ATOM BOMB, WEAR AN EXTRA PAIR OF COMBS
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AND VACATE YOUR HOUSES, LOOK OUT! (oh, sorry!)
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TAKE MY TIP, BETTER WEAR BICYCLE CLIPS WITH YOUR WORN BROWN TROUSERS. (look up!)
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OH, OH, OH, TOO LATE!
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HELLO, HELLO, MAYDAY...........................HELLO!
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THIS IS.............................CALLING FLYING DOCTOR.
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THERE'S BEEN THE MOST AWFUL GREAT BIG BANG, NOT VERY ENJOYABLE
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AND WE RAN OUT OF GASOLINE FOUR TIMES.
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ME TUCKERBAG'S GONE UP IN SMOKE!
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I SAID, MAYDAY!
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ONE THING FOR SURE,
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WE'RE THE FIRST COUNTRY TO GET A COYOTE INTO ORBIT!
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-----------------
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NAUGHTY ATOM BOMB
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Ringo Starr |