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Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh
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A PERFORMANCE OF 'IL MUTO' BY ALBRIZZIO
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(During the overture RAOUL, ANDRE and FIRMIN take
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their respective seats - RAOUL in Box Five, the
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MANAGERS in a box opposite)
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RAOUL
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Gentlemen, if you would care to take your seats? I shall
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be sitting in Box Five.
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ANDRE
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Do you really think that's wise, monsieur?
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RAOUL
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My dear Andre, there would appear to be no seats
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available, other than Box Five . . .
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(The front cloth rises to reveal an 18th Century salon, a
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canopied bed centre-stage. The COUNTESS is played by
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CARLOTTA. SERAFIMO, the page boy, is disguised as
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her maid and is played by CHRISTINE. At this point they
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are hidden behind the drapes of the bed, which are drawn.
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In the room are TWO EPICENE MEN: one a
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HAIRDRESSER and one a JEWELLER. The
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JEWELLER is attended by MEG. There is also an OLDER
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WOMAN, the COUNTESS' confidante. All a part from
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MEG are gossiping with relish aboutt he COUNTESS'
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current liaison with SERAFIMO)
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CONFIDANTE
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They say that this youth
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has set my Lady's
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heart aflame!
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1ST FOP
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His Lordship sure
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would die of shock!
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2ND FOP
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His Lordship is
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a laughing-stock!
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CONFIDANTE
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Should he suspect her
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God protect her!
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ALL THREE
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Shame! Shame! Shame!
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This faithless lady's
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bound for Hades!
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Shame! Shame! Shame!
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(The canopy drapes part and we see the COUNTESS
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kissing SERAFlMO passionately. As the recitative
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begins, the lights and music dim on stage, and our
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attention turns to the MANAGERS in their box)
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IN THE BOX
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ANDRE
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Nothing like the old operas!
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FIRMIN
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Or the old scenery . . .
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ANDRE
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The old singers . . .
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FIRMIN
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The old audience . . .
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ANDRE
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And every seat sold!
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FIRMIN
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Hardly a disaster beyond all imagination!
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(They chuckle and nod to RAOUL in the opposite box.
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He acknowledges them)
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ON STAGE
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COUNTESS
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Serafimo - your disguise is perfect.
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(A knock at the door)
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Who can this be?
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DON ATTILIO
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Gentle wife, admit your loving
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husband.
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ATTENTION BACK ON STAGE
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(The COUNTESS admits DON ATTILIO. He is an old fool)
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DON ATTILIO
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My love - I am called to England on affairs of State, and
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must leave you with your new maid. (Aside) Though I'd
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happily take
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the maid with me.
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COUNTESS (aside)
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The old fool's leaving!
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DON ATTILIO (aside)
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I suspect my young bride is untrue to me. I shall not
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leave, but shall hide over there to observe her!
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DON ATTILIO (to COUNTESS)
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Addio!
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COUNTESS
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Addio!
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BOTH (to each other)
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Addio!
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(He goes, pretending to leave, then hides and
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watches the action)
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COUNTESS (CARLOTTA)
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Serafimo - away with this pretence!
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(She rips off SERAFIMO'S skirt to reveal his manly
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breeches)
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You cannot speak, but kiss me in my
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husband's absence!
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Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
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Haha,
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Haha! etc.
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Time I tried to get a better better half !
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COUNTESS AND CHORUS
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Poor fool, he doesn't know!
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Hoho,
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Hoho! etc.
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If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!
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(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the
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PHANTOM)
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PHANTOM'S VOICE
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Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?
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MEG (terrified)
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He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .
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(General reaction of bewilderment.
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CHRISTINE looks fearfully about her)
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CHRISTINE
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It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .
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CARLOTTA (Finding a scapegoat in CHRISTINE,
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hisses at her)
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Your part is silent, little toad!
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(But the PHANTOM has heard her)
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PHANTOM'S VOICE
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A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you
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who are the toad . . .
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(Again general unease. CARLOTTA and the
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CONDUCTOR confer and pick up from the opening of the
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scene)
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CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)
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Serafimo, away with this pretence!
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You cannot speak, but kiss me in my croak!
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(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad. A
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stunned silence. CARLOTTA is as amazed as anyone but
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regains herself and continues. More perturbing,
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however, is a new sound: the PHANTOM is laughing -
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quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)
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CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)
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Poor fool, he makes me laugh -
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Hahahahaha!
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Croak, croak, croak,
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croak, croak, croak, etc.
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(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The
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croaking continues as the |