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The One Where Joey Dates Rachel

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Written by: Sherry Bilsing-Graham & Ellen Plummer
Directed by: David Schwimmer
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen


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[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are entering carrying groceries and find Phoebe already there standing in front of a huge object that has been gift wrapped.]

Phoebe: Hey! I got you a present!!

Chandler: Oh my goodness! Where did you hide it?

Phoebe: I got it for your wedding and I ordered it weeks ago, and it finally got here!

Chandler: Pheebs you didn¡¯t have to get us anything for our wedding you already sang¡¦

Monica: (interrupting) I love it! It¡¯s huge!! Let¡¯s open it! Open it!! (Monica rips open the paper.)

Phoebe: It¡¯s a Ms. Pac-Man machine!!

Monica: Oh my God!

Phoebe: I didn¡¯t know where to put it so I just left it here for now.

Monica: Oh well, maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom.

Chandler: Oh, okay.

Monica: All right. (He goes to push it and it doesn¡¯t move.)

Chandler: I kinda like it here.

Phoebe: Do you really like it?

Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is like—Oh my, this is like my second favorite game!

Phoebe: Oh really? What was your first?

Monica: Well I-I really don¡¯t remember the name of it.

Chandler: Well what did it do?

Monica: Well, you just—you put a quarter in and y¡¯know pull-pull some handles and win like a candy bar or something.

Chandler: A vending machine?

Monica: Don¡¯t feel bad for me! I won like every time!

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]

Ross: Hey! Oh, I¡¯m so glad you guys are here. I¡¯ve been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today.

Joey: (To Rachel) Do you think he saw us or can we still sneak out?

Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so¡¦.

Rachel: They made you head of the department!

Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didn¡¯t I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)

Joey: Oh! Hey Rach, listen umm¡¦

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: I got a big date coming up, do you know a good restaurant?

Rachel: Uh, Paul¡¯s Café. They got great food and it¡¯s really romantic.

Joey: Ooh, great! Thanks!

Rachel: Yeah! Oh, and then afterwards you can take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or you go downtown and listen to some jazz. Or dancing—Oh! Take her dancing!

Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I¡¯ll tell ya¡¦

Rachel: Ooh, I miss dating. Gettin¡¯ all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. I¡¯m not gonna be able to do that for so long, and it¡¯s so much fun! I mean not that sitting at home worrying about giving birth to a sixteen pound baby is not fun.

Joey: Hey, y¡¯know what?

Rachel: Huh?

Joey: Why don¡¯t I take you out?

Rachel: What?! Joey, you don¡¯t want to go on a date with a pregnant lady.

Joey: Yes I do! And we¡¯re gonna go out, we¡¯re gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out¡¦

Rachel: (interrupting) Okay! I¡¯ll go with ya! I¡¯ll go! I¡¯ll go with ya.

Joey: I¡¯ll be fun.

Rachel: All right?

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is watching Phoebe play Ms. Pac-Man.]

Phoebe: No. No! Yes! Ahh. Oh, would you look at that Monica? I just knocked off all of your top scores, how sad.

Monica: Okay, I¡¯m next. (Phoebe starts another game.) Don¡¯t! Don¡¯t start another game! I said I¡¯m next! Phoebe!

Phoebe: Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t hear you over all the winning.

Monica: Chandler! Phoebe¡¯s hogging the game!

Chandler: Who cares? It¡¯s a stupid game.

Monica: You only think it¡¯s stupid because you suck at it.

Chandler: I don¡¯t suck. It¡¯s sucks. You suck.

Phoebe: Wait okay, if this game is gonna cause prob

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