The One Where Chandler Takes a BathThe One Where Chandler Takes a Bath
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Written by: Vanessa McCarthy
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Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
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With Help From: Dan Gottleib
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[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted
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Flakes.]
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Joey: (thinking) All right. It’s a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you
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don’t feel that now. It was crazy! You’re fine. You’re better than fine! You
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are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everything’s normal! She’s just
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your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
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Rachel: (coming from her room) Hi, sweetie.
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Joey: (thinking) Hey, it’s your girlfriend, Rachel!
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Opening Credits
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[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as
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Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
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Monica: (airily) Hi.
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Chandler: Are you, are you high?
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Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
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Chandler: Really? I don’t like baths.
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Monica: Wait, you like them with me.
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Chandler: Honey, it’s not the bath I enjoy, it’s the wet, naked lady.
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Monica: Oh, baths are so relaxing!
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Chandler: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own
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filth.
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Monica: How dirty do you think I am? I’m telling you, if you had some candles
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and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your
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stress away.
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Chandler: Honey, it’s 2:00 on a Wednesday and I’m watching Road Rules, how
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stressed do you think I am?
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Joey: (entering) Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to
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you.
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Chandler: Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk?
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Joey: Well, neither.
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Chandler: Oh my God, what’s up?!
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Joey: I don’t know. It’s-it’s just…lately, I’ve been feeling… Okay, here’s what
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it is… (Pause) You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! (Starts to leave)
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Chandler: Oh no-no, no you don’t, just come back.
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Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there
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are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but that’s different. I mean,
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there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
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Chandler: Do you?
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Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same
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place, right?
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Chandler: In London?
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Joey: Yeah.
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Chandler: Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.
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Joey: You know what? This is a bad idea. Forget it. Forget it, and listen, do me
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a favor, this conversation was between you and me.
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Chandler: If that.
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[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits
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down.]
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Rachel: Hi! Oh, Ross, don’t forget, we have that doctor’s appointment tomorrow!
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Ross: Right.
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Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
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Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We don’t want to know. All we care about is
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that it’s happy and healthy.
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Rachel: Yep! Happy and healthy! And cute!
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Ross: And smart!
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Rachel: Popular.
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Ross: With an aptitude for science.
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Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off
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thinking of names yet?
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Rachel: Oh yeah! I’ve come up with a bunch of ideas!
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Ross: Really? Me too!
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Phoebe: Me too!
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Rachel: Really?!
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Phoebe: Uh huh! If it’s a girl, Phoebe, and if it’s a boy, Phoebo!
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Ross: Maybe. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach,
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what were you thinking? (Gives her a look)
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Rachel: Okay! I was thinking if it’s a girl, how about Sandrine? It’s French.
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Ross: Huh. That’s a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent.
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Rachel: Okay fine, what do you have?
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Ross: Well, OK, it’s for a boy. Well, I know it’s a little out there,
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but…Darwin.
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Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
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Phoebe: Yeah, by Sandrine.
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Ross: You’re just saying that 'cause I said no to your name!
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Rachel: I’m really, really not.
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Phoebe: How-how about you each get five vetoes?
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Ross: All right.
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Rachel: All right.
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Ross: That sounds fair.
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Rachel: Yeah! I don’t think you’re going to need it though. Okay, check this
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out. If it’s a girl, Rain.
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Ross: Veto.
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Rachel: Why?
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| Ross: Rain? Hi. Hi |
