Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
|
Haha,
|
Haha!
|
Time I tried to get a better better half !
|
|
COUNTESS AND CHORUS
|
Poor fool, he doesn't know!
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Hoho,
|
Hoho! etc.
|
If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!
|
|
(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the
|
PHANTOM)
|
|
PHANTOM'S VOICE
|
Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?
|
|
MEG (terrified)
|
He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .
|
|
(General reaction of bewilderment.
|
CHRISTINE looks fearfully about her)
|
|
CHRISTINE
|
It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .
|
|
CARLOTTA (Finding a scapegoat in CHRISTINE,
|
hisses at her)
|
Your part is silent, little toad!
|
|
(But the PHANTOM has heard her)
|
|
PHANTOM'S VOICE
|
A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you
|
who are the toad . . .
|
|
(Again general unease. CARLOTTA and the
|
CONDUCTOR confer and pick up from the opening of the
|
scene)
|
|
CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)
|
Serafimo, away with this pretence!
|
You cannot speak, but kiss me in my croak!
|
|
(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad. A
|
stunned silence. CARLOTTA is as amazed as anyone but
|
regains herself and continues. More perturbing,
|
however, is a new sound: the PHANTOM is laughing -
|
quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)
|
|
CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)
|
Poor fool, he makes me laugh -
|
Hahahahaha!
|
Croak, croak, croak,
|
croak, croak, croak, etc.
|
(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The
|
croaking continues as the chandelier's lights blink on
|
and off. The PHANTOM'S laughter, by this time
|
overpowering, now crescendos into a great cry):
|
|
PHANTOM'S VOICE
|
Behold! She is singing to bring down the
|
chandelier!
|
|
(CARLOTTA looks tearfully up at the MANAGERS ' box
|
and shakes her head)
|
|
(ANDRE and FIRMIN hurry out of the box onto the
|
stage. PIANGI ushers the now sobbing CARLOTTA
|
offstage, while the MANAGERS tackle the audience)
|
|
FIRMIN
|
Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will
|
continue in ten minutes' time . . .
|
(He addresses Box Five, keeping one eye on the
|
chandelier as it returns to normal)
|
. . . when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss
|
Christine Daae.
|
|
ANDRE (improvising)
|
In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be
|
giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera.
|
|
(to the CONDUCTOR)
|
Maestro - the ballet - now!
|
|
(The MANAGERS leave, the stage is cleared and music
|
starts again. The BALLET GlRLS enter as a sylvan glade
|
flies in. They begin the Dance of the Country Nymphs.
|
Upstage, behind the drop, a series of threatening
|
shadows of the PHANTOM. MEG is aware of them and
|
dances out of step. When this culminates in one
|
gigantic, oppressive, bat-like shadow, the garotted body
|
of JOSEPH BUQUET falls onto the stage, causing the
|
sylvan glade to fly out. Pandemonium.)
|
|
CHRISTINE (calling for help)
|
Raoul! Raoul!
|
(RAOUL runs on stage and embraces her)
|
|
RAOUL (to CHRISTINE, leading her away)
|
Christine, come with me . . .
|
|
CHRISTINE
|
No. . . to the roof. We'll be safe there.
|
|
(CHRISTINE and RAOUL hurry off)
|
|
FIRMIN (Attempting to placate the audience as STAGE-
|
HANDS and POLICEMEN crowd onto the stage)
|
|
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do
|
not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident .
|
|
-----------------
|
Poor Fool He Makes Me Laugh
|
Andrew Lloyd Webber |