Lead Vocal: Frankie Howerd
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I was lonely and depressed
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Having fled the family home
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When I met an old acquaintance
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I had only barely known
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And I told her over tea
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Of my worries and my woes
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And a morbid fear of eating beans
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In tightly fitting clothes
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And she said psychoanalysis was just the thing for me
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And she knew a mayfair analyst I really ought to see
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So I went round to his rooms
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And he saw me right away
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Though he asked a sum of money I could ill afford to pay
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But I lay down on the couch
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By a bowl of flaccid flowers
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And I talked and talked and talked and talked
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For hours and hours and hours
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And he told me tales of oedipus with great authority
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And he asked me if my mother
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Wore stiletto heels and rubber
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And I realised that this poor soul
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Was more confused than me
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Well the shock was so profound
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That I fled into the strand
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Where I saw a hare krishna group
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And joined in with the band
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This was just the life for me
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Free of worldly goods and care
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And I chanted and I ranted
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Round and round trafalgar square
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I converted tens of thousands and they joined us then and there
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But the bagwan was so jealous
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That he called me over zealous
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Then he threw me out
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When I refused to cut off all my hair
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(Dr. Ruth, Dr. Ruth, why not write to Dr. Ruth?)
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So I wrote to Dr. Ruth
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And she helpfully proposed
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I should join a nudist colony
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And throw away my clothes
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All that sun upon my flesh
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Would set my libido free
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And would guarentee much more of it
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Whatever 'it' may be
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But I don't feel that I was quite equipped for such a life
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Fair of skin just like my sisters
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Too much sun would give me blisters
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So I think I'll turn the whole thing in
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And go home to the wife
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Sects Therapy
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Alan Parsons Project |