My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian
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My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean
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My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose
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And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah
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I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)
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Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got
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But I've got my mule
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He's a very, very nice mule
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He walks with me home from school
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Cause he's a very, very nice mule
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When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel
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But now he prefers to dine on his own stool
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He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul
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Cause he's a very, very pious mule
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When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel
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On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul
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He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel
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Cause he's a very, very Old school mule
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A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool
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He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool
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When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel
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He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul
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And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel
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[coughing]
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When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'
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Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule
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[snoring] Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over!
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After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul
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And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool
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His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog'
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I was just kidding you
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-----------------
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The Mule Session
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Adam Sandler |