It was during my 2nd senior year when Mom found Jesus Christ. His
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spirit was trapped inside an old Nana Shepard's bottle that Mom picked
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out of the dumpster behind the 7-11. Mom brought the bottle inside and
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sat it down on top of the TV. Then she told all of us kids to gather
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round, and then she explained how Jesus lived in the bottle, and how,
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if she wanted to, she could call him out to do her bidding. Sis said it
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reminded her of an old TV show, and Mom slapped her and called her a
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heretic. I didn't say anything, cause I just still remember the time
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outside the Safeway, when it took 4 security guards to hold Mom down.
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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For the Bible tells me so
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When I'm weak he makes me strong
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That's why I sing this song
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If I die before I wake
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Pray to him my soul don't take
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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It wasn't long before people from all over the world started coming to
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our house to see the bottle. At first I thought that this would make me
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more popular at school. Instead it seemed to have the opposite result.
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Kids would stop and point at me in the hallway and say, "There's the boy
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whose mother keeps our savior cooped up in that tiny little bottle." And
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then everybody started calling me 'Bottle boy'. And that really hurt. It
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was also around this time that Mom began to attract some really weird
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followers. Like that guy who never used deodorant and spoke only in
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riddles. And that woman who collected 19th century hand made Amish
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swimwear.
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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For the Bible tells me so
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When I'm weak he makes me strong
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That's why I sing this song
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If I die before I wake
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Pray to him my soul don't take
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid
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As the year went on, things went from bad to worse, and I realized that
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if there wasn't a big change pretty soon, I'd never be able to get a
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date for the prom. I couldn't go the year before because Mom belonged
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to a church that considered dancing a one way ticket to Hell. But
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that's a whole nother story. Anyway, by this point Mom had appeared on
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the Richard Bey Show, A.M. Philadelphia and Geraldo, so there was
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no use in me changing schools, since everybody knew who my Mom was.
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Also we had to spend all the money from Mom's personal appearances to
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hire a bodyguard, since by this point we were getting about 400 death
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threats a day.
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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For the Bible tells me so
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When I'm weak he makes me strong
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That's why I sing this song
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If I die before I wake
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Pray to him my soul don't take
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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Then one night, I just couldn't stand it any more. While everyone else
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was sleeping I crept downstairs. Slowly I went up to the bottle and
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began to unfasten the lid. At first, nothing happened. But then the room
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filled with a thick white smoke. I was glad my sister had taken the
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batteries out of the smoke detector to put into her Walkman. When the
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smoke cleared, I found myself face to face with the son of God, who was
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much shorter than I had expected. He told me that since I'd freed Him,
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He'd grant me one wish. And that's how I got to go to the prom with
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Geena Davis. But you probably already read about that in People.
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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For the Bible tells me so
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When I'm weak he makes me strong
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That's why I sing this song
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If I die before I wake
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Pray to him my soul don't take
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Jesus loves me, yes I know
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she had a special bottle in which our savior lived
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Mommy she loved Jesus, but not like others did
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For she could unleash His vengeance by unfastening the lid
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I Dream Of Jesus
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The Dead |