[harp music plays]
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[Jesus]
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Ahh I love playing this harp, it relaxes me
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[mc chris]
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Huh? I was never shot
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I was never assassinated - I'M ALIVE!!!
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[Jesus]
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No (what?) You were shot; you're in Heaven
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[mc chris]
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No, no - you're St. Peter aren't you?
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[Jesus]
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What??!! St. Peter?!
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I'm Jesus! (Oh!)
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God damn you!
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St. Peter's a big, fat shit, with a hydrocephalic head
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(I'm sorry) Disgusting looking!
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(I'm sorry) How could you confuse?
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Maaan, look I got the classic beard, and the robe
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[mc chris]
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You're clearly Jesus (and the sandal feet)
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You're clearly Jesus, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!
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[Jesus]
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Take a look down there at the bottom of the robe
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[mc chris]
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Yeah what at your sandals?
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[Jesus]
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What do you see? No between the feet
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[mc chris]
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Is.. is that the tip of your?
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[Jesus]
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It's the tip of my dick
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[mc chris]
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No way! (Jesus has a Four foot dick)
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That's incredible how'd you... well you're Jesus!
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(Of course!) Yeah
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What do your balls look like?
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[Jesus]
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Let me.. let me tell you
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I thought to myself Jesus, you're Jesus
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What could you give yourself
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that nobody else in the universe would have?
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Allow me to hike up my robe here (ahh)
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Clear balls - with goldfish swimming around in them!
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[mc chris]
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That's inc.. look how cute they are!
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There's like a little castle in there
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(Castle, treasure chest, skeleton)
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And a little diving man, it's so cute
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(Heh heh heh heh)
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I could spend the whole day there (I'm sayin!)
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When you're having sex with a women doesn't that...
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Isn't that painful I mean it's gotta be!
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[Jesus]
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Well let me tell you what I'd do I would magically just extend their cervix
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'til up to about their sternum (oh okay I see)
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or throat area and that generally makes it fine
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But to tell you the truth, I
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I'm not really having sex with women too much these days
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[mc chris]
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Really?
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[Jesus]
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To tell you the truth I'm actually having sex with um
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It's a creature of my own uh, imagining if you will (ohh)
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I searched my imagination and thought what, what
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What's the creature that I Jesus find most attractive? (Huh)
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And it turns out it's kind of a, a dinosaur dragon bird type creature
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It looks actually like you know when Discovery Channel was doing that thing
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on like, you know what if raptors had feathers?
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(Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah I saw that - I saw that yeah)
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It looks a lot like that
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[mc chris]
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But if you're Jesus you don't
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You don't really need Discovery Channel
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I mean you've seen the dinosaurs already
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[Jesus]
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Nah that was uh before I was born actually
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(Ahh yeah) Yeah (yeah)
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Alright here let's get down to business
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I've got the list of things you did in your life here (ooh)
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Let's see you were a pretty bad drunk (yeah)
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You made a lot of stupid skits on your records (yeah)
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You did have thirty thousand MySpace friends
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[mc chris]
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Yeah, yeah I did that's, that's true!
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(That means something up here)
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Really?
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[Jesus]
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Yeah, you know who'd be interested to hear that? My buddy Lincoln
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HEY LINCOLN!! You know this guy's got thirty thousand MySpace friends?
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{Thirty thousand MySpace friends, is he usin bots?}
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I don't know, I'll ask him - are you usin bots?
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(No! It's just fan base)
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No he's not usin bots, it's just fan base
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{Is he a porn star?}
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No it's not a porn star, it's mc chris {HUH!}
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It's great; I've got, you know everybody
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{Hey Beethoven~!! This guy's got thirty thousand MySpace friends}
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from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure up here
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(Oh that's cool, that's cool)
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It's pretty... it's pretty cool
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{Thirty thousand MySpace friends! Is he using bots?}
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Except uh, Keanu
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{Huh that's what I asked; nope, no bots}
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And uhh, Alex Winter
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{Is he a porn star?}
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What are you deaf?
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Or is that is that you or Mozart?
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I can never remember
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{BEEEEEEEEP}
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[Secretary]
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That dragon bird lady is on line two again
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[Jesus]
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Ohhh this dragon bird won't leave me alone
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(Oh shit Jesus what'll we do?!)
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I try to be honest I try to say
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"Dragon bird, it's just a sex thing, I don't want a relationship"
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(Right, right, right)
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| This dragon bird is super into me, |
