In 1986, the University of California Davis, sought two of the
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all-time brightest stars,
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Dr. Alphonze Mephesto, and Dr. Arny Abe Sacrabin,
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Dr. Mephesto worked hard toward his thesis,
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his goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of asparagus,
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so that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length,
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giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's
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supermarket vegetable business.
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Dr. Abe Sacrabin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical
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entertainer the world had ever seen,
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Dr. Abe Sacrabin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he
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could theoretically build a DNA structure,
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that would ensure his creation of talent far surpassing the average
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individual.
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At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael
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Jackson, in a effort to
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retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics had his
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testicles surgically removed,
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thereby making him a modern day Castrato,
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If such a rumor were true,
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Michael Jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved
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before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage.
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Word came back to Dr. Abe Sacrabin,
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of a secret cold storage locker
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deep within the bowels of a UCLA research center,
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that not only contained four containers of frozen semen,
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but also held a pair of testicles each was labeled with the name, Jack Michaelson.
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I once heard a noise, In the night the most sensuous voice,
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the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,
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and this is what he said,
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"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,
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I am gopher boy, Who will buy my raspberries?"
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This had to be the seed of the king of pop,
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Dr. Abe Sacrabin was able to use his charm and chiseled great features
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to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer,
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who of course just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a
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small vile of the precious semen.
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The search for the egg was a short one,
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Dr. Mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an LA Music
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magazine. The ad read: "Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment.
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Donors must have musical background."
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With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical stardoms, willing to sell their eggs,
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the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased.
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Dr. Abe Sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally,
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if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non human.
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He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball
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Mascot,
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a llama by the name of Missy.
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When the baby was ready,
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the child was removed via cesarean.
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It was a healthy baby boy, and he was named Kevin.
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I once heard a noise, In the night the most sensuous voice,
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the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,
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and this is what he said,
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"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,
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I am gopher boy, Who will buy my raspberries?"
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Kevin was a beautiful child,
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Dr. Abe Sacrabin sought to it that Kevin was trained by the best in all
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aspects of performing, his voice was golden and had a sweetness to it that most males lacked.
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He moved with grace and was able to moonwalk by the time he was three.
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As Kevin grew with talent, Dr. Abe Sacrabin started noticing odd
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developments in his physical state.
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When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance,
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they were at least twice the size as a normal adult's and the two in
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front stuck nearly straight out, also as Kevin reached the 8th year,
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he was the same height as he was when he was 4.
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To top it off, he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous,
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even by adult standards.
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It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin's singing,
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he rarely spoke, often chosing to communicate through various grunts and gurgles
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I once heard a voice, In the night the most sensuous voice,
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the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,
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and this is what he said,
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"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,
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I am Gopher Boy, who will buy my raspberries?"
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