"There's seven different movies at the city multiplex;
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Let's both not go to school today and give the brain a rest -
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You can't say missing one day could be taken seriously -
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You can be sure that no-one will tell either families."
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She thought about it for a while, then let go her old school bag;
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"O.K," she told him, "I'm with you." Both teachers said: "Let's wag."
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That day Constable Harrison was browsing city streets;
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He walked along commandingly up and down Swanston Street.
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A skateboarding kid flew right down the railings of St Paul's;
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"Filthy move," said Con. Harrison, "But, ah oh - duty calls."
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He walked right into Brashes and walked out suspiciously.
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"Here," he told the skateboarding kid, "just flogged you this C.D."
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The kid just pushed his dreadlocks back and looked up in surprise -
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All he saw was a drug crazed stare deep in the policeman's eyes:
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"I'm disappointed in you, dude," the skater told the cop:
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"If we all had your attitude, it would be just great - not.
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I'm gonna let you off this once, but just you look out, son.
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Next time I'll call the cops, my boy." "Like, I care," said Harrison.
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Harrison at the city looked - these were the real clean streets:
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Gangs of polite teenagers played rap songs like Help da Police;
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The new gardens were growing where the casino once stood,
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The trains, they ran bang smack on time, and people thought they would;
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Husbands sat in discrete cafes and flirted with their wives;
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"I'll give you head," all girlfriends said; "Don't worry," said the guys.
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The skater got back on his board, and rode off carefully;
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Behind a fence two teachers hid, so that he couldn't see;
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"Satan's spawn!" one teacher said, "that was a year nine kid!
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The one I caught just yesterday repairing his desk lid."
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"He didn't see," the other said, "thank god that we weren't sprung.
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I hope I die before I'm him - who'd wanna be that young?"
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Somewhere a distant song did play, the number one chart track.
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"That's TISM," said one teacher - then: "I hate that mainstream crap.
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Give me Billy Joel any day - TISM's just for fathers.
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They're so ugly I think they should start wearing balaclavas."
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(And so it is that even in a world where hot is cold
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It seems that teachers still listen to a turd like Billy Joel.)
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Harrison saw them both and said "Shouldn't you be at school?"
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"Yeah, that's right cop," both of them said, and Harrison said: "Cool."
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"Got any dope?" the policeman said, and then he looked disgusted,
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'Cos both teachers admitted "Nope." That's right, folks - they're busted.
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"I'm taking a dim view of this." The teachers' faces paled.
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(They wouldn've been in trouble with a cop from New South Wales.)
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"I'm taking you back home right now - don't dare not call me pig -
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And you can explain why you were caught drug free to your kids."
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I hope this is a lesson that all of you understand:
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Wag school, and the next thing you know, you're in paddie van.
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You can imagine, I suppose, the scene in the kitchen -
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The teenage sons and daughters weep, the teachers think, "Bitchin' "
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What's become of our social state, when it has come to this?
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A teenage child just can't control their folks' rebelliousness?
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Later that night the youngest child sat reading in her bed
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("Don't stay up late" she told her mum) and to her self she said:
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"I've heard that once in primary school they had Opposite Day,
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Where what you said and what you meant both went two different ways.
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"So if you liked someone you said "I think you really suck,"
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Then said "On opposite day!" - that meant they were in luck.
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But imagine if this happened not just in primary school,
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And everywhere and everyone followed this kiddie rule!
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Imagine an opposite world, though it is hard to do -
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Newspapers for illiterates! Leaders |