I been listenin' to silverchair, now I wish I was a freak;
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Been readin' The River Ophelia - I'd love a masochistic streak;
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But I am just a normal guy - I even use capital "S" -
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Why, I'd rather tell the papers that I secretly cross-dress;
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Women Who Run With Men Who Hate Wolves just left me unimpressed -
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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To get anywhere these days it seems a problem's a necessity;
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Your father's gay; heroin's passe - just another fashion accessory;
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I tried Recovered Memory, but that put me in a bind
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Cos I became hypnotically aware my Dad was really kind.
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You might have once been traumatized, but we're not all similarly blessed -
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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I went along to the Men's Movement - "Stop crying, girl," they'd shout;
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Steve Biddulph, who wrote that Manhood book, got up and punched my lights out;
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I went along to the women's room, but all I did was get it wrong -
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I told 'em Smack Your Bitch Up was my current favorite song;
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"But the Prodigy are so confronting," I tried vainly to protest:
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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I lied to the Gambling Help Line, said I'd made my family poor -
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When I asked what chance recovery, they offered me nine to four;
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I rang that Alan Jones guy up, but he couldn't help me either:
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"You a battler or a bludger?" he said - it turns out, I was neither!
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"Come back when you're a stereotype if you wanna be in the press."
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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Finally I told the wife the reason I'd been so undemanding,
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And what was worse, she took it well, and was totally understanding;
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Those self-destructing relationships are simply too much fuss:
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Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Well, I gotta say, not us -
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Would you believe I like my kids? Can you get more mentally messed?
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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Why is it just so hard for me to take things way too far?
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I'd like to travel beyond good and evil, but first I gotta wash the car;
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I'd like to get a nipple ring and connect it to my dodger,
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But somehow it just don't suit a bloke whose name is plain old Roger-
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I'd be a member of the underclass, but they'd laugh at how I dressed:
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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So it looks like I got to give up my dream of joining the Bad Seeds -
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Those guys can't handle confronting concepts, like "thanks" and "please"
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Sneaking 16 things in the "12 Items Only" aisle will be my biggest sin;
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It's the shopping center of modern consciousness that I will stay trapped in -
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I buy my junk from off the streets - I find The Trading Post's the best:
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I'm sure that I'd be happier if I could be more depressed.
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I just know I can't be creative. Why? I'm not depressed enough -
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Yet I wish I was the guy who wrote: "If you're creative - get stuffed."
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There's a competition going to have the most painful lives,
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But the pain you feel from nine to five I guess don't qualify.
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Your life might be miserable, but that don't stop your art from being crappier:
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I'm sure that I would be more depressed if I wasn't happier.
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-----------------
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The Only Thing Stopping Me From Being Happy Is That I’m Not More Depressed
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| TISM |
