[in a high falsetto voice]
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Uncle Marshall!
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Will you tell us a bedtime story?
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[regular voice]
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Here we go...
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Now once upon a time not long ago
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There was a little rapper about to blow
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But his album came and it was not good
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I think it went lead or double copper wood
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So the silly little fans they were mislead
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By a nerdy internet computer hip-hop head
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"Me and you, 'Clef, we're gonna make some cash
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Grab the silver paint and let's paint my ass"
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Hey mister, would ya care to bare witness to
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The ass-whippin' I'm about to administer
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To this ass-kissin' little vaginal blister
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Stanabis, little Marshall Mathers' sister
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And in this corner, we have the mister
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Not havin' it, it's the mad sinister
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Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for
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this little antagonist faggot dick-suckin'
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Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor
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I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny fag Keniff-sta
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You bastard I ain't wanna have to diss ya
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Canabis, where the fuck you at? I miss ya!
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[Chorus]
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Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
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Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
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Please tell me what happened with
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That style that you were rappin' with
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Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
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Are you from Los Angeles
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New York or just a janitor
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From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch
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Now at first I ain't really understand the shit
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Picture me for a second and imagine it
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Chillin' in the Bat-Mansion and relaxin'
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When all a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanners
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It's Can-i-bitch on some "Stan Lives" shit
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It creeped me out at first. Man this is sick
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For me, being just a sick, this conflict
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Gets my dick harder than arithmetic
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And I know how you jealous ones envy
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I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me
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The first two letters you were tellin' me shit
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Like you respect me, like any other regular MC
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The third letter you ask how come I ain't return
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None of the messages at Shady Records you left me
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The fourth letter: "Slim, you really startin' to upset me!"
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The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me
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The sixth letter there's a bomb threat in our building
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This crazy motherfucker's really tryin' to kill me!
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So I went back and read the first few letters that said
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Some shit about a message you left
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Oh shit, that's not an "E" that's an "A"
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This dude wants to leave me a "massage," he's gay!!
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Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre
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We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way)
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[Chorus]
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Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
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Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
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Please tell me what happened with
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That style that you were rappin' with
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Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
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Are you from Los Angeles
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New York or just a janitor
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From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch
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So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib
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The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives
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And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship
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Shit. Oh Dre, wait a mintue that's it
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All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost
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We can fly over the border "Let's go" [WOOSH!]
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So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed
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[BOOSH!] (What was that? Oh) Jermaine Dupri
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Fuck It, keep goin' no time to waste
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Wait, backup hit him one more time in case
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Okay.. fuck now he's draggin' under the car
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Oh well, only 30 more thousand miles
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Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate
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Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate
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And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'
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"He couldn't have fell off that hard" Ain't no way
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"What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous
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That Canibus turned into a television evangelist"
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Plus he raps with his regular voice [BOOSH! BOOSH!]
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[BOOSH! BOOSH!] (What was that?) Pet Shop Boys
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So we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted
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His corpse was still movin' but his ass was rotted
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He kinda smelled a little like Courtney Love
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I figure if I stick him with a fork he's done
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So I stabbed him twice, kept jabbin', Christ
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He won't die, this guy's like a battered wife
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He's like Kim, he keeps comin' back for more
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But he won't fight back I cracked his jaw
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Hold up, 'Bis quit foldin' up!
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Punch me in the chest! Make my shoulders touch!
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Do somethin'! At least one punchl |