He doesn't have a problem with drugs
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He just doesn't get them
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He's fine that his mates have tattoos
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But he thinks they'll regret them
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He likes going to pubs
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But he hates when the music's too loud
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He tends not to go to rock concerts
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Cos he can't stand the crowd
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But all he's ever wanted to be
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Is a rock star on Rage or MTV
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But he knows that it's not fucking likely
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He's just turned thirty
|
|
He knows that he will always be
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A rock 'n' roll nerd
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He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear
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And though they won't be heard
|
He'll just keep writing
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Oh yeah
|
|
But you see the problem is
|
He always dreamt of being a star
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But he learned piano instead of guitar
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Which in the nineties didn't get you very far
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So while all the other kids were learning Stairway
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He was the piano to their forte
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But he was convinced one day
|
He'd rock their fucking asses
|
Be an icon for the disenfranchised masses
|
And grow his hair long
|
And rebel against the state
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But just for now that'd have to wait
|
Cos he's running late for his morning classes
|
|
And he will always be
|
A rock 'n' roll nerd
|
He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about
|
And though it sounds absurd
|
He'll just keep playing
|
Oh yeah
|
But you see the problem is
|
There's not much depth in what he's singing
|
He's a victim of his upper middle class upbringing
|
So he can't write about the hood
|
Or bling bling
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So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead
|
To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head
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But the bitch is always fine at half past nine
|
When they go to bed
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And he's not spent a single night in prison
|
He has no issues with nutrition
|
He has no drinking problem
|
And no drug addiction
|
Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken
|
And marijuana always tends to make him cough
|
He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off
|
And when he tries to act tough you can tell he's trickin'
|
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While his mates all go out late
|
Popping pills and having fun
|
He goes home and showers
|
And gets a good eight hours
|
He gets his thrills from his morning run
|
And while his mates all go on dates
|
Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Bean
|
He stays home and cooks
|
Curls up with a book
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With the girl he's had since he was seventeen
|
|
Cos he's never really been part of the scene
|
Give him guns 'n' roses, he'll take Queen
|
He's more into Beatles than The Stones
|
He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones
|
And he's never owned a panel van
|
He's never shot a Panterra fan
|
He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash
|
He couldn't tell you nothing about Axel and Slash
|
He likes Ben Folds to the Jackson Five
|
He knows all the words to Staying Alive
|
And though he wants to be all grungy and cool
|
He spent eleven years in a private school
|
|
So it don't matter how he tries
|
He cannot hide behind his rock 'n' roll lies
|
Cos you've either got it or you don't
|
You'll either rock it or you won't
|
Yeah, you've either got it or you don't
|
Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won't
|
|
He knows that his music lacks depth
|
But it just can't be helped
|
He has nothing interesting to say
|
So he writes about himself
|
But he doesn't want to seem self obsessed
|
So he writes in third person
|
In an attempt to seem more rock 'n' roll
|
But he suspects it's not workin'
|
And deep in his heart he knows
|
That he'll never be Silver Chair or Eskimo Joe
|
And even if he was quite pretty
|
With small pants like Kylie
|
|
He knows that he
|
Will always be
|
A rock 'n' roll nerd
|
He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about
|
And though it sounds absurd
|
He'll just keep writing
|
Oh yeah
|
You can criticise him
|
But he won't care
|
Cos he wants to rock, and he will never be deterred
|
But he'll always be a fucked up little, try-hard, wannabe rock 'n' roll nerd
|
Rock 'n' roll nerd
|
|
-----------------
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Rock 'n' Roll Nerd
|
Tim Minchin |