I have an apology to make
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I'm afraid I've made a big mistake
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I turned my face away from you, Lord
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I was too blind to see the light
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I was too weak to feel Your might
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I closed my eyes; I couldn't see the truth, Lord
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But then like Saul on the Damascus road,
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You sent a messenger to me, and so
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Now I've have had the truth revealed to me
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Please forgive me all those things I said
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I'll no longer betray you, Lord
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I will pray to you instead
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And I will say thank you, thank you
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Thank you, God
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Thank you, thank you
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Thank you, God...
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Thank you, God, for fixing the cataracts of Sam's mum
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I had no idea, but it's suddenly so clear now
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I feel such a cynic, how could I have been so dumb?
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Thank you for displaying how praying works:
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A particular prayer in a particular church
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Thank you Sam for the chance to acknowledge this
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Omnipotent ophthalmologist
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Thank you, God, for fixing the cataracts of Sam's mum
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I didn't realize that it was so simple
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But you've shown a great example of just how it can be done
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You only need to pray in a particular spot
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To a particular version of a particular god,
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And if you pull that off without a hitch,
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He will fix one eye of one middle-class white bitch
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I know in the past my outlook has been limited
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I couldn't see examples of where life had been definitive
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But I can admit it when the evidence is clear,
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As clear as Sam's mum's new cornea
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(And that's extremely clear! )
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Thank you, God, for fixing the cataracts of Sam's mum
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I have to admit that in the past I have been skeptical
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But Sam described this miracle and I am overcome!
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How fitting that the sighting of a sight-based intervention
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Should open my eyes to this exciting new dimension
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It's like someone put an eye chart up in front of me
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And the top five letters say: I C, G O D
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Thank you, Sam, for showing how my point of view has been so flawed
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I assumed there was no God at all but now I see that's cynical
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It's simply that his interests aren't particularly broad
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He's largely undiverted by the starving masses,
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Or the inequality between the various classes
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He gives you strictly limited passes,
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Redeemable for surgery or two-for-one glasses
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I feel so shocking for historically mocking
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Your interests are clearly confined to the ocular
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I bet given the chance, you'd eschew the divine
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And start a little business selling contacts online
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Fuck me Sam, what are the odds
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That of history's endless parade of gods
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That the God you just happened to be taught to believe in
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Is the actual one and he digs on healing,
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But not the AIDS-ridden African nations
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Nor the victims of the plague, nor the flood-addled Asians,
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But healthy, privately-insured Australians
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With common and curable corneal degeneration
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This story of Sam's has but a single explanation:
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A surgical God who digs on magic operations
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No, it couldn't be mistaken attribution of causation
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Born of a coincidental temporal correlation
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Exacerbated by a general lack of education
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Vis-a-vis physics in Sam's parish congregation
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And it couldn't be that all these pious people are liars
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It couldn't be an artefact of confirmation bias
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A product of groupthink,
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A mass delusion,
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An Emperor's New Clothes-style fear of exclusion
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No, it's more likely to be an all-powerful magician
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Than the misdiagnosis of the initial condition,
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Or one of many cases of spontaneous remission,
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Or a record-keeping glitch by the local physician
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No, the only explanation for Sam's mum's seeing:
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They prayed to an all-knowing superbeing,
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To the omnipresent master of the universe,
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And he quite liked the sound of their muttered verse.
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So for a bit of a change from his usual stunt
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Of being a sexist, racist, murderous cunt
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He popped down to Dandenong and just like that
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Used his powers to heal the cataracts of Sam's mum
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Of Sam's mum
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Thank you God for fixing the cataracts of Sam's mum!
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I didn't realize that it was such a simple thing
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I feel such a dingaling, what ignorant scum!
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Now I understand how prayer can work:
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| A particular prayer in a |
