DON'T SEND ANY MONEY!
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Fate has no price
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Ignore at your peril this splendid advice
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An invaluable link in an infinite chain
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An offer like this will just not come again
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You wish you had women to charm and bewitch
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Power of life and death over the rich young girls will
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be swooning
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Because you're exciting them
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And not only fall at your feet but be biting them
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Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath
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Or just possibly scare you to death
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Sign it and seal it and send it to friends
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But don't mention my name
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Don't make any long term plans
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In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change
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Your best friends won't know you
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And neither will strangers
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Do not keep this letter
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It must leave your hand
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You have been selected from over five thousand
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A twister or dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you
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I can't say more it would only confuse you
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The wine that they offer will go to your head
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And you'll start to see double in fishes and bread
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Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more
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Guaranteed, for this world and the next
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Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother
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Cherish this life as you don't get another one
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UNLESS you should take up this fabulous offer
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Don't leave it too late or you'll be bound to suffer
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And woebetide anyone so woebegone
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You won't know you're born or about to pass on
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You'll never get tired
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You'll never get bored
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By the way I just hope you're insured
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And if you're not satisfied
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If you want more
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We can always provide an improved overture
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Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
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This offer is unrepeatable
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Your trouble will vanish
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Your tears will dry
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Your blessing will just multiply
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Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
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This offer is unrepeatable
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Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor
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In a riot of colours, (a variety of) and flavours
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Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
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This offer is unrepeatable
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Would I lie to you? Would I sell you a dud?
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Just sign on the line. Could you possibly write it in
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blood?
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-----------------
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This Offer Is Unrepeatable
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Elvis Costello |