(parody of "Regulate" by Warren G. and Nate Dogg)
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Masturbators
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We'll masturbate with anything we can get our hands on
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From Victoria's Secret Catalogs to Archie Comics
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We're damn good, too
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But you can't be any Jack off the street
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You gotta be handy with the candy if you know what I mean
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Masturbators!
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Jack up!
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It was a beautiful night, under the stars
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Walking hand in hand, away from all the cars
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We came to a tree and sat down in the grass
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I put my hand on her knee, I tried to make a pass
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Just went to the movies with the girl of my dreams
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Bulging out of my pants nearly breaking the seams
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Put my arm around the girl then she wrecked my pride
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When she jammed her elbow really hard in my side
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Sittin' under the tree she put her arm around me
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Then she grabbed me and repeatedly bashed me into the tree
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The girl ran away, I sat there and moaned
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She stole my car so I'm-a have to walk home
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She didn't watch the movie she just walked away
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I guess she didn't care since she didn't have to pay
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But I'm not gonna let this ruin my date
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But then the girl came back and threw her soda in my face
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This ain't my day, I guess I'm outta luck
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I still can't believe that I messed this up
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I passed a movie theater not feeling too well
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I looked at the marquis and said what the hell
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I saw my homie Devo Spice walking into the film
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I waved him over and he sat where the soda spilled
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He didn't seem to care that his butt was wet
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'Cause that's the only satisfaction he was going to get
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I got pressure in my head, other parts are turning blue
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I'm sittin' next to Stain wondering what to do
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I left the movie theater decided just to roam
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I wandered for a while then I found my way home
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Spice got up and left so I left too
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I'm still horny so I know what I have to do
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We both went out and we both blew our dates
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So Stain and Devo Spice had to masturbate
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Sittin' in my bedroom with some Vaseline
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And the girl of my dreams in a magazine
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Since I wasn't with a real girl and I was annoyed
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I began to shake hands with the unemployed
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Now Stain is a bum and that's a known fact
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But I'm not known for resortin' to a jack
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Just once just once just this time
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With Miss September and me, in a knuckle bind
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The very next night I was lookin' for some fun
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So I called every girl I knew
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Most of them just began to laugh
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And a couple of them even spewed
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So I paced back and forth I just couldn't believe
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I said ooh not again
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So when a girl scout came to sell cookies I asked her
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Would you like to yank my chain
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I got Victoria's Secret in the house with us
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The next step is the Jerkit Circus
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I'm tweaking on a whole new level
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But I gotta admit I'm happier than ever
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I can do any girl no hesitation or trouble
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Kelly Bundy, Cindy Crawford, maybe even Betty Rubble
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Whips, chains, magazines, Vaseline,
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G-strings, where you don't need a wife and you don't need a condom
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If you do like I do
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You know that it'll blow your mind
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But if you do it too often
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Be careful 'cause you might go blind
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If you try real hard
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Then you might just get a date
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But if your ass is ugly
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Then you're gonna have to masturbate
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Masturbate
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| Sudden Death |
