Sittin' at home doin' nothing in particular
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Watchin' TV legs crossed perpendicular
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Tryin' real hard to retain my sanity
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When in walks the reason I gave up on humanity
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Five foot eight with a wimpy goatee
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Brown hair, brown eyes, and a couple brown teeth
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His voice has a pitch that could bust a glass
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Got a mouth like a river and it's just as fast
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Livin' with this guy has really been the pits
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His mouth is so big that his nose barely fits
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Ain't no peace and quiet it's a riot with this creep
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'Cause he can both talk and eat in his sleep
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Eatin' all my food all day all night
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The Tazmanian Devil has a smaller appetite
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If there's food in the house no doubt he'll grab it
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Eats chicken, fish, beef, and especially rabbit
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I gotta get away and he's gotta get a job
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I gotta get my shoe off of his shishkebob
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He's got a hole in his head that's incredibly wide
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And anything can fit inside
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That's why we call him The Mouth
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His mouth keeps moving as his heart keeps beating
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He's constantly talking, and/or eating
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I avoid him when I can but I live in fear
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He only inhaled three times last year
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Did I mention that this guy was a royal pain
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He talks with a full mouth and an empty brain
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He only talks about things that he doesn't understand
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Which means he can talk longer than our average life span
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Talk about annoying, he'll talk about anything
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Comments that he adds just adds to my suffering
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Stupid little things from a stupid little man
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His brain got in the way so he cut out the middle man
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He keeps putting in his two cents somehow
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But at this rate he should have been broke by now
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When he talks up a storm it forms a damn monsoon
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Then he tells me everything that happened in the bathroom
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Goin' on for hours while I stand there in a daze
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Tellin' me about his pimples and his potty training days
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With a blatant disregard for my indifference he talks
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Like a blind pitcher giving up walks
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That's why we call him The Mouth
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I know more about him than I know about myself
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Sharing air with this guy is really bad for my health
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I don't know how much longer I'll be able to survive
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I've heard about every minute this idiot has been alive
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Did you know when he was three he had a puppy named Joe
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It would sleep at his feet, and lick between his toes
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And then every morning it would wake him up
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At seven-thirty on the dot, it was such a smart pup
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And every year his town has a carnival or somethin'
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To celebrate that miracle of nature called the pumpkin
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Half a million people all come to this little town
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And they all take turns picking seeds up off the ground
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I sit there and I smile and I nod a little bit
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And I'm thinkin' to myself, God, what an idiot
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He doesn't seem to pick up from my ultra blank stare
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That I just don't care
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That's why we call him The Mouth
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[Mouth rant]
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He sits around the house watching TV and he's eating
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And he's talking and the whole time I'm taking a beating
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And then he complains that he's got a tired butt
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I wonder how much it would cost to have his mouth wired shut
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Even the dog doesn't wanna go near him
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Doesn't matter where you go 'cause you're always gonna hear him
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And we haven't got a clue what we could possibly do
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We're both starving 'cause he ate the damn dog food too
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No food in the house he ate it all last week
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No silence in the house 'cause he still has all his teeth
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And there ain't no escape 'cause he doesn't have a life
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I really do feel very sorry for his wife
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Yes he's married but it can't be that great
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'Cause his wife has a house and lives in another state
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At first I thought that that was weird but now I understand why
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If I was married to this guy I think I'd just give up and die
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For now I'm stuck with him 'cause he pays the rent
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At least until he meets with a little accident
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God gave us the gifts of speech and sound
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And has regretted it since he's been around
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That's why we call him The Mouth
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[Mouth rant]
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-----------------
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The Mouth
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| Sudden Death |
