Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay
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{People are so damn crazy up in Jason's world}
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People call me a waste man, 'cause I haven't got a job (what a knob)
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{He don't wanna get out of bed}
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Bed, up, make tea, shower, eat,
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Paste, wee, change, go, make teas,
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Alarm, snooze back to sleep
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All of my little brothers, always call me a waste man
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{Waste man, waste man}
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Because I'm 27, and I'm living down in the basement
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{Waste man}
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I'm so complacent, so I will stay here
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They're banging on my door, but I won't chase 'em
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Cause I'm so lazy, the last few days I
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Haven't seen daylight, haven't shaved
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And they can say what they like, they just hate me
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Cause I never let 'em have a go on my PlayStation (piss off)
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They said I'm fat I need to go to the gym
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I don't wanna be fat, I wanna be slim
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Did a minute on the treadmill went for a swim
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Little kids jumped out soon as I jumped in
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Now I'm in the changing room
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Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay
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I'm looking at your thing but it's not what you think
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I'm think to myself why is mine not as big
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So I think dirty thoughts so I can get it bigger
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Beyonce, look at me now I'm a killer
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I said I'm not gay go away stop wishing
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I just wanted a bit of stiff competition
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{Erm, sorry Jason}
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What, what do you want?
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{We've just had a complaint}
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Piss off
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{From a very valued client}
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I said piss off
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{Sadly resulting in us revoking your membership}
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Shut up I don't care
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This is a crap gym
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{Well, mate, just leave, please}
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It doesn't work, how do I know it works
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I'm still fat, why am I still fat
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{Just go, please}
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It's a shit gym
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Sod off
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I got a baby mum and a lovely little son
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Lovely boy but his is mum is very very dumb
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I was very very drunk, I told her lot of secrets
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Very very drunk, I told her not to keep it
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Anyway she had it, sorry had him, Darren
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His grandmother Karen, wanted to call him Gavin
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But I didn't have it, I was working at Maplin
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Gavin was my manager and I wanted to slap him
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'Cause he wanted to sack me, 'cause I wanted to stab him
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'Cause my girl liked him and she wanted to shag him
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He's a bit bigger, but I know I could have him
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As a matter of fact he kinda looks like Darren
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I still got sacked and this is how it happened
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Some Nigerian guy called Tunde
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Who told me to call him Thomas for short
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Walked into the store, said he wanted to talk
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At first I wasn't sure, but because he was nice, to me
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And he kinda showed me his nine
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He brought a lot of stuff and he told me to swine
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But this is a woman's car
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{Shut up it's for my wife)
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He would come in like every fortnight
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And buy the same iPod 4 times
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Apparently he was doing the same thing with Tariq
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Who told the police my name when it happened (It was Jason)
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{Hello Jason}
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What?
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{We're from the Metropolitan Police fraud department)
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Police!
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{We'd like ask you a few...}
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Oink oink!
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{Excuse me?}
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Oink, you're a pig
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{Excuse me?!}
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Listen go away man, I don't wanna get arrested
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I wanna rest, I wanna sleep
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{Look, you're coming with me}
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All my little brothers smoke weed
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{Oh my goodness}
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Come and arrest them, or they'll do murder
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Bed
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I can sleep till the world ends
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And I ain't in a rush for a girlfriend
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All I ever do is fail them
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'Cause all I ever do is tell them the true
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If you're fat you're fat, bitch, ain't nothing wrong with that
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Don't switch I'm, just telling you a fact
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Do you think you're thin?
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{Well no}
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Well then
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{I hate you!}
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I abuse most of them
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I think that's how I lose most of them
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I don't want to get too close to them
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After what happened to Elton in school
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Elton was cool
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But he had a girlfriend that didn't want to do things he wanted to
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Do
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{I said no!}
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She said no but he went ahead and felt her
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{Get off me!}
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I think he's just coming out of Feltham
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My last girl was a wannabe WAG
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{Hi!}
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Who went everywhere in a cab
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I told her I'm rich
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She took me to Harrod
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And picked up this Gucci worth a grand
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I went quiet like words from my gran
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'Cause that's too much to spend on a slag
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I mean that's too much to spend on a bag
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As soon as we got to the t |