Act I
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But one night, at the
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Social Club meeting Mary didn't show up...
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She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
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In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free...
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SCENE FOUR
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CREW SLUT
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Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress,
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is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth
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as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make
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an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings
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to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago,
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as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus,
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hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on
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the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System.
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LARRY:
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Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
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Industrial towns
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I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
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Of all the local clowns
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They never give you no respect
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They never treat you nice
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So perhaps you oughta try
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A little friendly advice
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And be a CREW SLUT
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Hey, you 'll love it
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Be a CREW SLUT
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It's a way of life
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Be a CREW SLUT
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See the world
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Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
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CREW SLUT
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Add water, makes its own sauce
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Be a CREW SLUT
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So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
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The boys in the crew
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Are fust waiting for you
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You never get to move around
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You never go nowhere
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I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
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Of all the guys out there
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You always wondered what it's like
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To go from place to place
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So, darlin', take a little ride
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On the mixer's face
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Be a CREW SLUT
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Just follow the magic footprints
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Be a CREW SLUT
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Hey, you'll love it!
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Be a CREW SLUT
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It's a way of life
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I ain't gonna squash it
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And you don't need to wash it!
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CREW SLUT
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Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
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CREW SLUT
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Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
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The boys in the crew
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Are only waiting for you
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At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time,
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borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam
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session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with
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a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed
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with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching
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little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in
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gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...
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LARRY:
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Well you been to Alabama, girl,
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'N' Georgia too
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'N' all the boys in thecrew
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Is bein' good to you
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I know yer sayin' to yourself
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'This is the way to go
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'Cause when you need a little extra
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They will give you some mo'
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'Cause you're the CREW SLUT
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MARY:
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I'm into leather...
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LARRY:
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That s good! A lot of the boys in the crew
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Love leather...
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MARY:
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And rubber...
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LARRY:
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Yeh, they like rubber too... shrink- tubing
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With a hair dryer...
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ROAD CREW CHORUS:
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Trade your spot on the bench
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For a guy with a wrench
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MARY:
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Ha ha ha...
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LARRY:
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You like that, huh?
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I told you you'd love it...
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It's a way of life!
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ROAD CREW CHORUS:
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The guys in the crew
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Have got a present for you!
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MARY:
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A present for me?
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LARRY: We got a present for you!
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MARY:
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Whaddya got?
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Whaddya gonna give me?
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LARRY:
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It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47
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You'll love it...
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MARY: With leather?
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CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
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Eherrr, eh eh...This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
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And so MARY was enticed away from Joe
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By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
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Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
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With the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't know whether it
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wasToad-O... I don't know... I'll check it out)
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Again we see MUSIC
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Causing BIG TROUBLE!
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-----------------
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Crew Slut
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Frank Zappa |