One two, one two
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The Diabolical's back again
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With the Cutmaster Cool V
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At the boards my man Paul Sea
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But this goes out to my man Danny Dan
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The beat man that makes you understand
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He want me to tell somethin bout this girl named Kim
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I'ma do it like this
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[Verse]
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Well it was one of those days when nothing's right with the world
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I was half broke, bored, and fed up with my girl
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Lookin for somethin to do but wonderin how long
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It would take for the next thing to go wrong
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So I decided to hang, go out and ease my mind
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I told myself you would never know what you might find
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I took a hot bubble bath, instead of a shower
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Got rid of "The Dragon," it took me a hour
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Decided on a sweatsuit, Gucci red and white
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Some rings and some ropes, and then I'm on for the night
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The Gucci sneakers some cologne, I think Aramis
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I look in the mirror and said, "Biz you look - marvelous!"
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I jetted out the door, and hailed a taxi
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And said "54 in a hurry," and jumped in the backseat
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We arrived he said, "$8.50 and that don't count my tip"
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I said, "Don't drink and drive -
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GIMME MY CHANGE before I bust ya lip!"
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The club was jumpin and word is bond
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I saw girls walkin around with jeans painted on
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Splittin they skirts up the middle, tight leather and lace
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Both me and Jimmy agree, we're gonna like this place
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Took a seat at the bar, the girl said what are ya drinkin?
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A Coke and a smile child, and slid her a Lincoln
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Took a sip of my four dollars, she looked at me strange
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I said, "Psych I bet you thought you was gonna keep the change"
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I made my way through the crowd, it was plain to see
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Same everywhere I go, all eyes on me
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I sat down at the table, and one of the staff
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said, "Ain't you the Biz" I said, "Yeah but no autographs"
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I sat alone in the corner, and sipped my drink
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Happened to look across the room and somebody winked
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I did the only thing the Diabolical could do
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Looked down to see what that I was attached to
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Sure enough it was a girl, a sweet female
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Her hair and eyes sparkled like ginger ale
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I looked lower to her lips, her chin and her neck
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And fantasized about the rest, then decided to check
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I sent champagne to her table, the waiter asked her name
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He returned with Kim, and I almost came
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I checked myself and made sure, I looked alright
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And told my dick, "Don't worry - we're fuckin tonight!"
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Threw her the Kool-Aid smile, and a dash of charm
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I stepped to the lady and tapped her arm
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But when she turned around, my smile turned to gloom
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She didn't look none like she looked across the room
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She had big broad shoulders and her titties was big
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They were filled with silicone, and her hair was a wig
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She had more makeup than Boy George and Phyllis Diller
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Ugly enough to be a monster in "Thriller"
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Had hair on her chest longer than King Spade
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Even though I got a band, I don't need the AIDS
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So I hurried out and left, she said, "Please stay"
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I said, "Sorry money grip, I don't go that way"
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So I stepped out in a hurry, to gather my wits
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And thought that's a damn shame, he had nice tits
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And that's the last I ever saw of Kim
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You wanna know why? Cause she's a he and her's a him
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Like that and-a, like that and-a
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I'm not the man called Dantana
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You go on and on and on and on and on and on and on
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Don't go to Getty, go to Exxon.. [echoes]
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[Biz Markie shout outs and ad libs]
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-----------------
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A Thing Named Kim
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Biz Markie |