Stargate, Sparkle, Ubisoft.
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Nod at the boat and people die.
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Everywhere people die.
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(That's a callback)
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This is the longest he's ever gone
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Without killing anyone.
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He wonders if his future son
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Will carry out the tradition
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Of killing everyone he sees.
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It's his lunch break luckily.
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Toast of Equality!
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Hurry with the toast,
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There's a drunken hot girl
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Walking to the right!
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Bet she'd love to see a fight...
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Bad guy music begins
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As the ponytail twins barge in.
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Look down on the people
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That you're better than.
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Ominous orchestral note,
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Time to let the patrons know:
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Happy Hour's over.
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Time for everything to suck.
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Mysterious hooded man watches
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(from a distance)
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Take a second to sober up.
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(low tolerance)
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Target confirmed.
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Hooded man turns.
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Bandana man sees hooded man's
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Subtle arm movement signal,
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Which tells him to go make a toast
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With the people.
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And then he lets all of them know...
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It was a toast TO DEATH!
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You shouldn't toast before you know
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What the toast is for.
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Bear hug, head bash, bottle smash.
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Slow-mo person pass.
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Stab face. Again and again and again.
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Another wine bottle pass in slow mo
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Hooded man feels good ?
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Hey! Don't touch the hood.
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If you try to stab the hoodless man,
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He'll stab you in the abdomen, man.
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And steal your wallet. Duh.
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LOOK RIGHT!
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Colonial running shoe commercial.
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They thought they could catch the boat...
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Not even close.
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Captain walk to the edge of the dock,
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SNAP TURN.
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Let's go chase that freakin' boat
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Sailed by Heath Ledger's ancestor.
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Celebrate, sail into the sunset, fade.
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The captain's not about to let the
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Bird-bow-boat get away.
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Gimme that telescope. Give it!
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Use the mini telescope,
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Aim the cannon at the boat.
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Shoot four, only two go through ?
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Maybe two were blanks?
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Strike a pose, Edward turns the boat.
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Red cloaked captain probably should've
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Let that bird boat go...
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OH NO!
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Cannon's not shooting blanks anymore.
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DARKNESS!
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Murder-Hood goes on.
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Inception Bwahhh.
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Someone's gonna get splinters,
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And second-hand smoke!
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I'm just saying, be careful.
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WATCH OUT FOR THE HOOKS! OOH!
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Shoulda listened! Edward wants to ascend.
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Shoot your gun to cut the rope
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Just to make it difficult.
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Flying up to run away,
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No more murdering today...NOT!
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Can't believe they bought that.
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Same thing goes for all their hats.
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I prefer my Murder-Hood.
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People die 'cause I look so good.
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D-rop the pistols, throw a stick.
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His friend makes sure his death is quick.
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Guess I'll do the same for you,
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(assuming you want me to)
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This is gonna end badly for you.
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It already has for your crew.
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Listen, I'll give you some free ones.
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DEHHH! DAHH!
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Convincing enough?
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Look you disarmed me!
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Now I am completely defenseless...
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(gasp) NOT!
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Booyah.
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Last words: Port or Starboard?
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Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag
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Cut to Kenway's boat sitting in a bay.
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Ever since I got this diamond filled with DNA,
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It feels like someone's watching me.
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DELICIA
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-----------------
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Literal Assassin's Creed: Black Flag
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Toby Turner |