It was the blackest night
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There was no moon in sight
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You know the stars ain't shinin'
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'Cause the sky's too tight
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I heard the scarey wind
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I seen some ugly trees
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There was a werewolf honkin'
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'Long the aide of me
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I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
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Got a big titty girly by the name of Chrissy
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Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me...
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'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery
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I noticed even the crickets
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Was actin' weird up here
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So I figured I might
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Just drink a little beer
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I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on.. "
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But there was no reply
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'Cause she was gone...
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"Where's those titties I like so well,
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'n' my godam beer!"
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Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
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Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil,..
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He's about this big,..
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He had a red suit on
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An' a widow's peak
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An' then a pointed tail
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'N like a sulphur reek
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Yes, it was him awright,
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I swear I knowed it was
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He had some human flesh
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Stuck underneath his claws
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You know, it looked to me
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Like it was titty skin
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I said, "You sonofabifch!"
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'Cause I was mad at him.
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Well he just got out the floss
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'N started cleanin' his fang
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So I shot him with my shooter.
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Said: BANG BANG BANG
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The sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away...
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You know, I ate her all up... now what you gonna say?"
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YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Yeah! titties 'n all!"
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WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN? "Were the cans this tall?"
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EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?"
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SHIT, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true'.
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'WELL DON'T THEY PAY Y'ALL GOOD FOR THE
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STUFF THAT YOU DO?
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"I can't complain when the checks come through.. ''
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WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER
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SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,
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DO YOU HEAR!
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"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I am fhe Devil,
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Do you understand?
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Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
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I suppose you noticed this little contract here,. ''
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YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE,
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THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON
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I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR...
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GIMME THAT PAPER... BET YER ASS
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I'LL SIGN... 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S TITTY-
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SQUEEZIN' TIME!
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"You can't fool me, man... you ain't that bad...
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I mean you shoulda seen some of fhe souls I had...
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Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew too...
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'n both of fhose suckers was worse 'n you..
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"WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE
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I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO... WHATCHA GONNA DO?
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(improvised dialog)
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"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think...
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I mean... hold on a minute, boy... that's
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Magic Ink!"
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And then the Devil puked
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'N out jumped m'girl
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They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN'
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All around the world, she said:
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"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
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AN' I'M GONNA GET WRECKED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"
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And then she gave us the finger,
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It was rigid 'n stiff,
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That's when the Devil, he farted
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An' she went right over the cliff
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The Devil was mad took off to my pad
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I swear I do declare!
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How did she get back there?
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I swear I do declare!
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How did she get back there?
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etc. repeat
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-----------------
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Titties & Beer
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Frank Zappa |