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You know what Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people here
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in the trailer park. Oh no, don't get me wrong, they're fine people, good
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Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe watch a little Mork and
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Mindy on channel 57. Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer. They're
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good fine people, Stuart. But they don't know what the queers are doing
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to the soil.
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You know that Johnny Werzner kid - the kid who delivers papers in the
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neighborhood? He's a fine kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes
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crack, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he
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wanted was a burrow owl, just like his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow
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owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live". So the guy
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breaks down and buys him a burrow owl. Anyway at 10:30 the other night I
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go out into my yard and there's the Werzner kid looking up in the tree. I
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said, "What are you looking for?" He said, "I'm looking for my burrow
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owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick. Everybody knows that a
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burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground. Why the hell do you think they
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call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that
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is gonna know what the queers are doing to the soil?
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I first became aware of this, about 10 years ago, the summer my oldest boy
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Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival that comes to town every year?
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Well this year it came with a ride called the Mixer. The man said "Keep
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your head and arms inside the mixer at all times." But Bill Jr., he was a
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daredevil., just like his old man. He was leaning out saying, "Hey
|
everybody, look at me, look at me". POW! He was decapitated. They found
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his head over by the snowcone concession. A few days after that, I open
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up the mail and there's a pamphlet in there, from Pueblo, Colorado. And
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it's addressed to Bill Jr. And it's entitled, "Do you know what the
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queers are doing to our soil?"
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Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big
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underground homosexual population - Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example.
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Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can't build on it, you
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can't grow anything in it. The government says it's due to poor farming.
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But I know what's really going on, Stuart. I know it's the queers.
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They're in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for gay
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Martians. I swear to God.
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You know what Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other people, here
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in the trailer park.
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-----------------
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Stuart
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| Dead Milkmen |
