I starred in every high school play
|
Blew every drama teacher away
|
I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
|
Took every acting workshop I could
|
And I dreamed of Hollywood
|
While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard
|
|
Hit the boards and paid my dues
|
And got phenomenal rave reviews
|
I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
|
I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone
|
Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
|
But the years have come and gone
|
And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out
|
|
I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
Skipper Dan is the name
|
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
|
And every time it's the same
|
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears
|
Just like they've done for the last 50 years
|
Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside
|
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
|
Oh, the critics, they used to say
|
I was the new Olivier
|
Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
|
Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me
|
The only place you might possibly see me
|
Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland
|
It ain't exactly what I planned
|
|
But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
Skipper Dan is the name
|
And I'm doin 34 shows every day
|
And every time it's the same
|
I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"
|
But what's the difference, that's all behind me now
|
Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride
|
And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
|
I should be there on Broadway
|
Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"
|
But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes
|
Again and again and again and again and again and again and again
|
|
Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
|
That's an African bull elephant...
|
And there it is, the backside of water!
|
What have I done with my life?!
|
|
I shoulda listened when my grandfather said
|
"Why don't you major in business instead?"
|
Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
|
And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
Skipper Dan is the name
|
And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
|
And every time it's the same
|
Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears
|
Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears
|
Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied
|
Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
|
|
-----------------
|
Skipper Dan
|
| Weird Al Yankovic |
