VELMA
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Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and turn.
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TRACY
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Oh my god, Penny, there's Link, Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning!
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PENNY
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I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!
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VELMA
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Fron't step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and, oh, Amber, look at this motly crew!Things
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sure have changed since when I was crowned Miss Baltimore Crabs!
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VELMA
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Oh, my God how times have changed, these girls must be blind, or completly deranged!
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But time seemed to halt, when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs.
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Amber, that move is far too dirty!
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AMBER
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Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930!
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VELMA
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You can laugh, but life's a test!
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Don't do this, don't do that!
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Remember, Mother knows best!
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And the crowns in the valt
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from when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
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AMBER
|
These steps are perfect ammunition.
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VELMA
|
Let me show you how your Mommy dear,
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took out tha competition.
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Girls, go get 'em, boys lets ramba!
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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
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Those poor runner ups
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mite still hold some grudges
|
They padded their cups
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But I screwed the judges!
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Those broads thought they'd win,
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If a plate they would spin in their dance...not a chance!!
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Boys, put me down!
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Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got!
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COUNCIL MEMBERS
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Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mambo!
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VELMA
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Ready-begin
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On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or backbone grind bind!
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AMBER
|
Was that a dance for fleas and ticks?
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VELMA
|
Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks!
|
Oh I hit the stage
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Batons ablaze
|
While belting Aida
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and preparing SOUFLEES!
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But that triple somersault
|
Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!
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DANCE BREAK!
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VELMA
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Proceed.
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AMBER
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Are you scared, we're on live?
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TRACY
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No, I'm sure I can cope.
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AMBER
|
Well, this show isn't broadcast in
|
COUNCIL GIRLS
|
Cinemascope!
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VELMA
|
I never drank 1 chocolate malt
|
no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!
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AMBER
|
This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes!
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VELMA
|
Kid, she'll never get a date
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'til daddy buys her a new nose!
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I would say
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Oy gevalt!!...
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if I wasnt miss baltimore crabs
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AMBER
|
Do you dance like you dress?
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LINK
|
Amber, theres no need to be creul
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VELMA
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wuld u swm in an intergrated pool?
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TRACY
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I sure would! I'm all for intergration! It's tha new frontier!
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VELMA
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Not in baltimore, it isnt.
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and may i be frank?
|
1st impressions can be tough
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and when i saw you I knew
|
if ur size weren't enough
|
your last answer just blew it!
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and so my dear
|
so short and stout
|
you'll never be in
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so we're kicking you out!
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with ur form and ur face
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Oh,but it isn't your falt!
|
You're just down with a case of Miss
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ENSEMBLE
|
Baltimore
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VELMA
|
Crabs!!...ugh, you may go
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PENNY
|
I think they secretly liked u!
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LIL INEZ
|
May I please audition?
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VELMA
|
Of course not
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but u can bow and exalt
|
'cause i am miss baltimore crabs!
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COUNCIL GIRLS
|
crabs, crabs, crabs
|
|
-----------------
|
(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs
|
| Michelle Pfeiffer |
