(verse 1)
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Life's got me mad
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But if I had a midget I'd be glad
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To watch him jump around on my nintendo powerpad
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He'd have a big head short legs and long torso
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The name that I give my pet midget is little Gordo
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I'd teach him tricks like backflips and side kicks
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When company came over he'd perform and get tips
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While I'm eatin at night, in the kitchen he'd be able
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To get the food scraps that I threw under the table
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If my midget was ever bad and acted enraged
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Then I'd take him to the bathroom and put him in his cage
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But If he kept acting up and really made me sick
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I'd hang him upside down and poke him with a stick
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Little Gordo would be good most of the time though
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He'd like to wear a helmet and run around yelling Kaiyo
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I'd take him for walks in the park on the weekends
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And if he saw other midgets he'd say Can we be friends
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He'd only need a 3 foot coffin when he was dead
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And he'd be in the guiness book for the world's biggest head
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What a funny little fellow, but don't call him a shrimp
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Or he'll attack your leg cause Gordos a tough gimp
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He'd have a pogo ball that he'd bounce on for hours
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And dirty little fathead Gordo would'nt take showers
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When Halloween came, he wouldn't be a chump
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Gettin all the candy goin round as a tree stump
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(scratching/chorus)
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Midget is a midget
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Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget
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Midget is a midget
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Hey you guys- Word
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Midget is a midget
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Midget Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi-Midget
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Midget (wo-wo-wo-wo-word) is a midget
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Like a midget in a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes
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(verse 2)
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Sometimes my friends would chase Gordo with a gun
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It be fun
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Because midgets wobble when they run
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They're so close to the ground and so easy to kick
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They're so slow in the head and so easy to trick
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Gordo could do somersaults his special thing
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At the fair I would make him enter mudwrestling
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Sometimes he'd wear stilts and pretend to be tall
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Then I'd kick him over- and then i'd laugh at him fall
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Silly little Gordo, just be yourself
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I'd put wood on his head, and he'd just be a shelf
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He'd do funny little dances but that's irrelevant
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At the beach Gordo got attacked by pelicans
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He had a girlfriend once, but she was an ogre
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It didn't last long cause he couldn't fuck her sober
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Gordo had a problem, Gordo wet the bed
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so i'd make him wear diapers on his ass and his head
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He'd have to clean up his own cage himself
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And if he lost a little weight he'd be a keebler elf
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He'd really be something, my mangled little munchkin
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Plus his head would be larger then any big pumpkin
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This perfect little fool would make a perfect footstool
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Sometimes I'd kick him in his head and say "bitch be cool"
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I'd have a great life, I'd be happy I know
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If I only owned a little pet midget named Gordo
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(scratching/chorus)
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-----------------
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If I Owned A Midget
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| Benefit |
