(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)
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Bill Fries says that this is based on a true story from the late '60s, when a band of hippies rolled into Telluride and decided to stay.
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One day about four or five years ago
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We is settin' at the Conoco station
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Kickin' tires, and swattin' flies,
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And discussin' the State of the Union
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When right out in front of the Baptist church
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Come a big ol' purple school bus
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Had astrological signs upon it
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And thirty-five hippies and dogs inside
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About half of 'em went for the courthouse lawn
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And them dogs commenced on the fireplug
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Rest of 'em set there starin' at us
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And I says, "Roy, go get your Flit gun"
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He says, "Which is the hippies? And which is the dogs?"
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I says, "Beats the hell outta me, Roy."
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What they was, was a bunch a' them Crispy Critters
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And their leader was a space cadet
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He says, "Sagittarius, we has arrived.
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"Prepare to disembark, men.
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"Get the incense goin' and the sitar out
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"We gonna camp in the city park, man."
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I says, "Boys, let me explain the situation to ya.
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"A: you're gettin' me down
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"And B: we got us a leash law here
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"And C: you in the wrong town.
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"You drop one string a' beads in that there park
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"And you gonna see a whole lotta stars.
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"You got fifteen seconds to get out of town, boys,
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"Or we gonna blow ya ta Mars."
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Well, they all got back in the purple bus
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And proceeded to the city limits.
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Then the telephone rang, was the swimmin' pool
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Says a mess a' wild Critters was in it!
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So we all got in the Marshal's Plymouth
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(Which is always at the Conoco station)
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Went flashin' on down to the swimmin' pool
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To give them Critters a citation
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By the time we arrived, it was too damn late
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Them critters is all had their pants down
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Them dogs was tearin' the bathhouse apart,
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And they's after the fish in the fish pond!
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I says, "Roy, you get the one in the silver T-shirt
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"And I'll get the rest with a net.
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"We gonna have a jail full a' naked Crispy Critters
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"And a drip-dry space cadet."
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[You've watched The Dukes of Hazzard, haven't you? C'mon, admit it; nobody's looking. Well, at this point in the song there's a short interlude which resembles a car chase on Dukes. There's banjo pickin' and yee-hawin' and a general sense of raucous abandon. Oh, yeah, and a few dog barks. It's round-up time at the swimmin' pool.]
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Well, we gave 'em hell, but we lost the war
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'Cause them Critters outnumbered us
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So they moved in and set up camp
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And they lived in that purple school bus
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Six weeks later, there was nothin' in town
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But eighty-four dogs and a head shop
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Sellin' dried up weeds, and sunflower seeds,
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And astrological postcards
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Yeah, Critters took over the City Council
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And the dogs all barked their brains out
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And the whole damn town was Crispy Critters
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And the mayor was a space cadet
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Crispy Critters
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| C.W. McCall |
