Once there was a time,
|
when the conquest of
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pain was all that I
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could hope for, had
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been my only aim.
|
Happiness or joy merely
|
unwords without meaning,
|
they were unwanted
|
anyway as surely out of place.
|
All I wanted was the
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voices to be silent
|
a brief moment in the
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dark, in loneliness and chill.
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How I wished my mind
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could escape the camat dungeon
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that was flying silently
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through space while
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I lay caged and chained within.
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Today my view - strangely
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increased - it is beyond compare,
|
but nothing became easier,
|
I'm still struggling to be free.
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A thousand different things
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dare to appear before my eyes
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now, they come and leave
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untouched, because still I cannot see.
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In true darkness there's
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no choice than do discover
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the uselessness of eyes,
|
giving birth from their own despair.
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Here eyes can nothing but
|
decay and if I fail and do
|
identify myself with them
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then their destiny I'll share...
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You are with me all the time - all
|
the time. So very unreasonable
|
had been my fear. How could
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I ever believe that I might
|
be losing you when forever
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we're connected and you
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are part of me. It's your
|
omnipresence that defines
|
the way in which I do
|
exist, forcefully leading
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me back to where I do belong.
|
Opening my eyes to see
|
the true essence of my
|
being, by dissolving
|
the distractions of the
|
outer world. In the loneliness
|
of the pain you bring the
|
isolation of my soul guarantees
|
the maintenance of the only
|
thing that I know, my
|
natural and obvious differency.
|
Beloved old friend and life-time
|
companion without you to
|
nothing I would fall. Your
|
power pervades me and lies
|
me low, but as the same time
|
a new strenght is born in
|
my soul.
|
In a universe of change
|
and continuous movement
|
I am counting on you
|
since I know you shall last.
|
Being my darkness and
|
the basis of splendor
|
light-giving background
|
as most fertile past. You
|
trance-formation source
|
of understanding you are
|
the power that is pulling
|
me down. Whenever
|
lightness seeks to carry
|
me away you connect
|
me safely to the ground.
|
You chill of my winter,
|
eternal Saturn-sphere,
|
petrified and frozen
|
with a logic cold as ice
|
I walk through the
|
world look in surprise
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at the living without
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being able to share
|
their strange delights.
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Beloved old friend, and
|
bringer of sadness,
|
shadow-like cloak almost
|
matters so real, you slip
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right through me like
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I was merely membrane,
|
my feelings so ambivalent
|
when my wounds refuse to heal...
|
|
-----------------
|
To A Loyal Friend
|
| Sopor Aeternus |
