Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire
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Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag
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Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake
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I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake
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And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
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I need an adding machine to count up all the women I've ruined for other men
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Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fag
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I can shift more gears and pump more juice I'll turn you every which way but loose
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And I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag
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Now there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin' at the foot of my bed
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And every night every night I hear 'em sighin'
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They say that I don't miss a thing they say that I'm the lovin' king
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And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin'
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Now I've been makin' love professionally since I was only six years old
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And I really learned the way to wiggly wag
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And still I'm such a modest man you know I'm twice as great as I think I am
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I'm so good that I don't have to brag
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There's a line of chicks startin' at my window and reachin' across the street
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And it stretches 'way to the other side of town
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They come to me from across the seas on their knees just sayin' Please
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And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em down
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Now I once got captured by some Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles
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They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride
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I had to kill them all and I will admit it and I won't tell you how I did it
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But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she died
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Now the day I die every woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in black
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And they'll probably add another star to the American flag
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And they'll build me a monument forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to die
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He was so damn good he never had to brag
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And I'm tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old daughters off of my back
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And your wives they like the way I carry on
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And why don't you go look at your mother for a while
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You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile
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Well that just means I've been there and I've gone
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Now if you got a frigid woman I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars
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You can bring her around my house at four o'clock
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And you can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry her off of me
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I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the block
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Now if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me
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Better bring a Cadillac full of money
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Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag
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I can make you creep I can make you crawl make you scream and climb the wall
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And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
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So Baby don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide
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I mean go ahead and do it honey cause wakin' me up is a drag
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And you can leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you had the very best
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And he's so damn good that he don't have to brag
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Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire
|
Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag
|
I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake
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And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
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I'm So Good That I Don't Have To Brag
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| Shel Silverstein |
