To "If You Give Me Your Attention."
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If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
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I'm a brilliant math'matician - also something of a ham.
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I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I've one of each;
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Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
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I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true,
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And I can't see why it isn't all as obvious to you.
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Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
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Yet everybody tells me that I'm hard to understand,
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And I can't think why.
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My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
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And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
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Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word),
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This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
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////////////////
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For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
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The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
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Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
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And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
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Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
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And I can't think why.
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Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
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It's inversely proportional to something - let me see -
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It's r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it's just r, I'll bet -
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The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget -
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Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
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All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
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Yet students tell me, "I have memorized the whole year through
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Ev'rything you've told us, but the problems I can't do."
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And I can't think why!
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The Professor's Song
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| Tom Lehrer |
