As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
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I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
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But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
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You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
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At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
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Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
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And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
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Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
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I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
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Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
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But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
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Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699
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We been spending most our lives
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Living in an Amish paradise
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I've churned butter once or twice
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Living in an Amish paradise
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It's hard work and sacrifice
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Living in an Amish paradise
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We sell quilts at discount price
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Living in an Amish paradise
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A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
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I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
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I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
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'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
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But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved
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An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
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I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
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And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool
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If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
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We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
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But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
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We're just technologically impaired
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There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
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Not a single luxury
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Like Robinson Caruso
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It's as primitave as can be
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We been spending most our lives
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Living in an Amish paradise
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We're just plain and simple guys
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Living in an Amish paradise
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There's no time for sin and vice
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Living in an Amish paradise
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We don't fight, we all play nice
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Living in an Amish paradise
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Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
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Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anoder
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Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
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Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
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I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
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On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
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So don't be vain and don't be whiny
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Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie
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We been spending most our lives
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Living in an Amish paradise
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We're all crazy Mennonites
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Living in an Amish paradise
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There's no cops or traffic lights
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Living in an Amish paradise
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But you'd probably think it bites
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Living in an Amish paradise
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Amish Paradise
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| Weird Al Yankovic |
