Look
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If you had
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One shot
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To sit on your lazy butt
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And watch all the TV you ever wanted
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Until your brain turned to mush
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Would you go for it?
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Or just let it slip?
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Yo
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Remote is ready
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Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
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There's Flintstones on the TV already
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Wilma 'n' Betty
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No virgin to channel surfin'
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And I'm HD-ready
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So I flip
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Garbage is all I'm getting
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There's Simon Cowell
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Who folks wanna disembowel
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He opens his mouth
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Always says something foul
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They're dyin', wow
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Wannabes are crying now
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He votes them out
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Time to throw in the towel
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Shows based on reality
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Oh, the humanity!
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Oh, Ozzy's family
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Sho' loves profanity
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Whoa, the insanity
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Oh, dogs that crap and pee
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Home of depravity?
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No, they live happily
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Yo
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Plus "Da Ali G Show"
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And "Celebrity Mole"
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Oh, and there's Anna Nicole
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Well, she's scaring me
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"Look ma, no cavities"
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Oh, it's a station break
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Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something
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"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me
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But I'd still tune in every show (show)
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)
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"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
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They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no)
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I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
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(You're gonna)
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My butt is aching
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As I watch NASCAR racing
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That show about undertaking
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Larry King
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To "24" to "Law And Order"
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The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters
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Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story"
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The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
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Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
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"CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n'
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So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
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And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
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I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
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I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
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Then I bet
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I watch "The Bachelorette"
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Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
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And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna'
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
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They told me, they'd scold me
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But I'd still tune in every show (show)
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo)
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
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They told me, cajoled me
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But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
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I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)
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(You're Gonna)
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Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space"
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I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace"
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But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day
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Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
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Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
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After that, felt like I needed a long shower
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Network execs with naked ambitions
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"Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians"
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Like to tie up those programming planners
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Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
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Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor"
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Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider
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And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver"
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And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a
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Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey"
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Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak
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And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
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A 30 second spot
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Then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
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I was planning on recording "The Sopranos"
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I forgot
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I love shows with or without a plot
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I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
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Because I only have got
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One brain to rot
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I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
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They told me, they'd scold me
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But I'd still tune in every show (show)
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My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo)
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"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
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They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no)
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I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
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The Learning Channel and MTV and L
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-----------------
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Couch Potato
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| Weird Al Yankovic |
