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Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
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We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
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Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea
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If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
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And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
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Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
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If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
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Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing
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If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
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Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
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Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut "Footloose"
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If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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Hell yeah
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And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
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I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
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He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
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Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
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To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
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Crucified and all I got was this lousy tee shirt
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"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
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Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
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So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
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Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
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With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
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You just can't teach an old God new tricks
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But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
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If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
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Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
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Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
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Hell Yeah
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| The Bloodhound Gang |
