You tell me that you love me when I'm lying by your side
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You tell me that I am the only one who understands your troubled mind
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That I am blind to any evil you can do
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And that I love you more than any other girl could ever do
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You love the things that I love: you love art and you love books
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And you love love as much as I do and you love my dirty looks
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And you love me right now
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So how can you love... Vegemite?
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It tastes like sadness
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It tastes like batteries
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It tastes like asses
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I cannot hold a man so close who spreads this cancer on his toast
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It is the Vegemite, my darling, or it's me
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You have to make a fucking choice
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I cannot sit with you at breakfast
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The very smell of it obliterates my senses
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And if that weren't bad enough you also eat the shit for lunch
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Which means we can't spend any time together
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What kind of relationship is that?
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The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands...
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Please wash your hands
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You just ate Vegemite for lunch you selfish bastard
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It's all about you, isn't it?
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It's just take, take, take, take
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What about me? What about my feelings?
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I'm sorry
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I had this really awful experience when I was six years old
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And our British next door neighbor, Christopher Gill, he was babysitting us
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And he made me eat an entire spoonful of Marmite
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Which is just like Vegemite pretty much except it's even grosser
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He made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge
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And so I swallowed the whole thing and then I had to go to the bathroom and throw up
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And it really traumatized me and I'm sorry I got so emotional, I just...
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I love you, and no matter what you eat
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I'll always love you completely
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I might just always leave the room at meal times
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Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week
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If you insist on putting that foul death paste in your mouth
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You're in my heart, but put yourself inside my shoes
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I have to know, it shouldn't be too hard to choose
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I know it's tearing you apart, but it's the way it has to be
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It is the Vegemite, my darling
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It is the Vegemite, my darling
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Put down the Vegemite, you fucker, or I'll leave
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Vegemite (The Black Death)
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| Amanda Palmer |
