Sometimes I kind of miss the old XJ-9 that we used to call Jane
|
Really good at cleaning and we got along fine so I couldn't complain
|
Lately she'd been getting tangled up in the shag rug
|
And finally one wheel just wouldn't spin
|
So we said our goodbyes and I traded her in
|
|
This new one's kind of creepy, makes me shudder inside with his idiot grin
|
He's head to toe with muscles and they ripple and slide under translucent skin
|
Sometimes he'll stand for hours looking into the mirror
|
And flexing like some guy at the gym
|
And I'm easily ten inches shorter than him
|
|
Todd the T1000 scares me
|
I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
|
And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
|
And when I look over he is making a fist
|
One finger at a time
|
|
I ask him if he'll vacuum and he doesn't respond, but I know that he heard
|
I turn and catch him looking when he thinks that I've gone and he flips me the bird
|
I asked him when we started, please stay out of the bedroom
|
But I don't think I'm safe anywhere
|
When I wake in the dark I can tell that he's there
|
|
Todd the T1000 scares me
|
I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
|
And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
|
And when I look over he is making a fist
|
One finger at a time
|
|
So I live like a ghost while he's living like me
|
It's not my house anymore
|
And I sneak out the door while he's watching TV
|
Head down to the cyborg store
|
I get some new arms installed at the store
|
Buy the biggest ones I can
|
Head back to my house, Todd answers the door
|
He sees more than just a man
|
|
My right arm is a smasher like the trunk of a tree and the left one's a saw
|
I cut the couch in half and then I smash the TV with my big smashy claw
|
He's standing still and silent, I can't tell what he's thinking
|
He blinks a single glowing red eye
|
So I give him a shove and then Todd starts to cry
|
|
Todd the T1000 scares me
|
But I think he knows I've got a right to exist
|
And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
|
But when he looks over I am making a fist
|
One finger at a time
|
|
-----------------
|
Todd the T1000
|
| Jonathan Coulton |