Sometimes I kind of miss the old XJ-9 that we used to call Jane
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Really good at cleaning and we got along fine so I couldn't complain
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Lately she'd been getting tangled up in the shag rug
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And finally one wheel just wouldn't spin
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So we said our goodbyes and I traded her in
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This new one's kind of creepy, makes me shudder inside with his idiot grin
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He's head to toe with muscles and they ripple and slide under translucent skin
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Sometimes he'll stand for hours looking into the mirror
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And flexing like some guy at the gym
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And I'm easily ten inches shorter than him
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Todd the T1000 scares me
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I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
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And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
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And when I look over he is making a fist
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One finger at a time
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I ask him if he'll vacuum and he doesn't respond, but I know that he heard
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I turn and catch him looking when he thinks that I've gone and he flips me the bird
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I asked him when we started, please stay out of the bedroom
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But I don't think I'm safe anywhere
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When I wake in the dark I can tell that he's there
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Todd the T1000 scares me
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I don't think he knows I've got a right to exist
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And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
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And when I look over he is making a fist
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One finger at a time
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So I live like a ghost while he's living like me
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It's not my house anymore
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And I sneak out the door while he's watching TV
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Head down to the cyborg store
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I get some new arms installed at the store
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Buy the biggest ones I can
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Head back to my house, Todd answers the door
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He sees more than just a man
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My right arm is a smasher like the trunk of a tree and the left one's a saw
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I cut the couch in half and then I smash the TV with my big smashy claw
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He's standing still and silent, I can't tell what he's thinking
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He blinks a single glowing red eye
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So I give him a shove and then Todd starts to cry
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Todd the T1000 scares me
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But I think he knows I've got a right to exist
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And he sits in my favorite chair and dares me
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But when he looks over I am making a fist
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One finger at a time
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Todd the T1000
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| Jonathan Coulton |
