I was sitting naked in a holiday inn down in Orlando
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And it was the morning of the last day of the year
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I didn't know who I was and I thought I might¡¯ve been Evan Dando
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But if I was him than what the hell was I doing here
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So I asked myself one simple question
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What would I do with the rest of my life
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If I knew I couldn¡¯t fail I guess I'd get the hell
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Out of Orlando and find me a rich and beautiful wife
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Cause I don¡¯t want to do a damn thing
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And I want to be appreciated
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And I want to get paid well
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And I don¡¯t want to be hated
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I don¡¯t want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun
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And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone
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So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno
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They said you better have a credit card I said honey I¡¯m pretty hard up
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But I ain¡¯t got no visa I said honey could you please uh help me
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She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted
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And I was kinda disgusted myself cause it had all come down to this
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And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely
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When you¡¯re sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird
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Down in Orlando in the middle of the night
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So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing
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But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him
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So I said I had to go then I couldn¡¯t take it any longer
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You know the desire to throw my naked body out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger
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I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn¡¯t get my nerve up
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I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair
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That was the worst idea that I had all day
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But goddamn it gets lonely down in f.l.o.r.i.d.a.
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Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird
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And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing
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So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got
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You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot
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Except the part about killing myself and the part about trying to find a rich wife
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She said you should have gone to sea world you might have had a better time
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I said honey thanks for the input thanks for the advice
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But I think that the only way I¡¯m ever going back to Orlando is if I live life twice
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Cause I don¡¯t want to do a damn thing
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And I want to be appreciated
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And I want to get paid well
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And I don¡¯t want to be hated
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I don¡¯t want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun
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And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone
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Orlando
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| Ugly Americans |
