Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the ships
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And without a moral compass we would all be cast adrift
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So to keep us on our bearings, the Lord gave us a gift
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And like most gifts you get, it was a book
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I only read one book, but it's a good book, don't you know
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I act the way I act because the Good Book tells me so
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If I wanna know how to be good, it's to the Good Book that I go
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'Cos the Good Book is a book and it is good and it's a book
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I know the Good Book's good because the Good Book says it's good
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I know the Good Book knows it's good because a really good book would
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You wouldn't cook without a cookbook and I think it's understood
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You can't be good without a Good Book 'cos it's good and it's a book
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And it is good for cookin'
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I tried to read some other books, but I soon gave up on that
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The paragraphs ain't numbered and they complicate the facts
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I can't read Harry Potter 'cos they're worshipping false gods and that
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And Dumbledore's a poofter and that's bad, 'cos it's not good
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Morality is written there in simple white and black
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I feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all that
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Good is good and evil's bad and goats are good and pigs are crap
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You'll find which one is which in the Good Book, 'cos it's good
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And it's a book, and it's a book
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I had a cat, she gave birth to a litter
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The kittens were adorable and they made my family laugh
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But as they grew they started misbehavin'
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So I drowned the little fuckers in the bath
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When the creatures in your care start being menaces
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The answers can be found right there in Genesis!
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Chapter 6, Verse 5-7!
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Swing your partner by the hand
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Have a baby if you can
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But if the voices your head
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Say to sacrifice your kid
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To satiate your loving God's
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Fetish for dead baby blood
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It's simple fate, the Book demands
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So raise that knife up in your hand!
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Before the Good Book made us good, there was no good way to know
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If a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and go
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So God decided he'd give writing allegoric prose a go
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And so he wrote a book and it was generally well-received
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The Telegraph said, "This God is reminiscent of the Norse."
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The Times said, "Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses."
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The Mail said, "Lots of massacres, a violent tour de force."
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If you only read one book this year, then this one is a book
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And it is good, and it's a book!
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Swing your daughter by the hand
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But if she gets raped by a man
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And refuses then to marry him
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Stone her to death!
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If you just close your eyes and block your ears
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To the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand years
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Then morally, guess what? You're off the hook
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And thank Christ you only have to read one book
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Just because the book's contents
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Were written generations hence
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By hairy desert-dwelling gents
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Squatting in their dusty tents
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Just because what Heaven said
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Was said before they'd leavened bread
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Just 'cos Jesus couldn't read
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Doesn't mean that we should need
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When manipulating human genes
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To alleviate pain and fight disease
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When deciding whether it's wrong or right
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To help the dyin' let go of life
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Or stop a pregnancy when it's
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Just a tiny blastocyst
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There's no reason why we should take a look
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At any other book
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But the Good Book
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'Cause it's good
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And it's a book
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And it's a book
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And it's quite good!
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Good is good and evil's bad
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And kids get killed when God gets mad
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And you'd better take a good look
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At the Good Book
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The Good Book
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| Tim Minchin |
