Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker
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Extra points, field goals at your service
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One might think it comes with glory
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You might think different after you listen to my story
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My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask
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What it possibly could protect, I do not know
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The other guys on the team
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Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads
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And also like to hide the special shoe
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I need to kick in the snow
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People think it's so easy
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To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line
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They forget to add seven yards for the snap
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And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back
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In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line
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But some of the players were running into them
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And getting hurt
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So screw the kicker
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Who cares about the kicker?
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But I kick that ball
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And I pray it goes straight
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If it does
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The coach says "Good job, number 8"
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He doesn't even know my name is
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Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr.
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But that's the life I live
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The Lonesome Kicker
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Kickoffs can be so very scary
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Especially, if the returner breaks on through
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And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him
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I don't want to get hurt
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So I pretend to tie my shoe
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Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches
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"Go back where you came from!"
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Scream 70,000 fans
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Well, I know I could win their love back
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By catching a winning touch-down
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But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands
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And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close
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'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes
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As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood
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And the splinters go deep in my thighs
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And the towel boy snickers as he walks by
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The Lonesome Kicker
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Another blocked kick
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And everybody blames me
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But it was the Left Guard
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Who didn't pick up his man
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Oh, why can't they see...
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In my home country
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I could have been a minor league soccer player
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But I came to America
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Seeking fortune and seeking fame
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I didn't realize that if I shanked one
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And blew the point spread
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Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi
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After the game
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So I go home at night
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'Cause I never get invited
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To go drinking with the other guys
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And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot
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As I eat a plate of cold french fries
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And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend
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And my son can't look me in the eyes
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But that's the life I live
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The Lonesome Kicker
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Kicking for you
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They took my snow shoe
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They're going for two
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The Lonesome Kicker
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| Adam Sandler |
