(Scratches in)
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Go back to your dorm¡¦ you got your roommates and that never works out.
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(Crowd laughs)
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That never works out. They don¡¯t want it to work out¡¦ they¡¦ they want it so
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it¡¯s like a Real World episode in your dorm room. (Crowd Laughs) Like I don¡¯t
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understand¡¦ like they have those compatibility tests you filled out at the
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beginning of the year¡¦ that¡¯s such a joke that test you fill out of the
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beginning of the year¡¦ it¡¯s like
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(in character voice ::student::) Umm I like rock and roll¡¦ I like staying out
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late¡¦ and I love the ladies oh yea OOOO!
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(Crowd Laughs)
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(As adult) Okay we¡¯ve got a perfect roommate for you he¡¯s an opera major, he¡¯s
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a narcoleptic and he¡¯s gay so go fight each other¡¦ we¡¯ve got four camera angles
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¡¦ that¡¯ll be perfect welcome to college¡¦ go screw your self
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(as student) HUH yeah that¡¯s what we say here go ahead.
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(Jimmy Normally) Then you think you say okay I got Pete my buddy from high
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school is coming up he¡¯s gonna be my room mate it¡¯s gonna be awesome¡¦No that is
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never awesome it doesn¡¯t work out¡¦ No it doesn¡¯t (Laughter) hate to tell you¡¦
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you will fight each other¡¦ you will just get¡¦ you just get ¡¦ I tell you why one
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is they have too much dirt on you¡¦ your friend from home has too much dirt
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they¡¯ll kill you they¡¯ll crush you in an argument for no reason like you just
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say
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¡°Hey man the dishes have been in the sink for two weeks man they¡¯re your dishes
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are you going to clean them or what?¡±
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(Roommates voice) ¡°Yea¡¦ you remember when you had crabs in sixth grade
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(Crowd Laughs) LONG PAUSE
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¡°Not fair to bring up my crabs.¡±
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-----------------
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Hotplates, Four Digit Numbers, & the Little Fridge
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| Jimmy Fallon |
