[Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]
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All of my life I've been called a geek
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A loser, a dweeb and a side-show freak
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All the other kids picked on me quite a bit
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Except for the ones who preferred to hit
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Always hated gym class cause I wasn't athletic
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I was bad at everything, I was really pathetic
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When we played this one game I always got my ass kicked
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.. you know the one with the ball, and you throw it in a basket
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Rumors used to circulate that I was queer
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I held the school record, most wedgies in a year
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But I was pretty popular amoung the jocks
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I mean someone had to carry all their dirty sweat socks
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Needless to say that I didn't date much
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OK, so I've never had a "date" as such
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Most girls don't wanna be seen with a geek
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Had a date for the prom, but she sprung a leak
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College was fun but my sex life sucked
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I studied computers, now I'm makin big bucks
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It was there that the love of my life and I met
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Just me, my little mouse, and the internet
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[Chorus]
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When the real world lets you down
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And it seems like love can't be found
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Don't go psycho like Genghis Kahn
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Just log on...
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[Verse Two: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]
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I started out tame, lame right off the bat
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Mostly girls in bikinis, and stuff like that
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Of course that all changed when I found a good source
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of pictures of a guy with two women and a horse
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Hours at a time, thirty pictures at once
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All the porn I could handle for twenty bucks a month
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I didn't think my life could possibly get any better
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My favorite was a site featurin an irish setter
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But all of that changed when I got an e-mail
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From a real-life, honest to goodness female
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Why she'd want to talk to me, I don't know
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But it gave me a strange feeling down below
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So after I cleaned myself up, I replied
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And made up a bunch of incredible lies
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I figured we'd never meet, so what would be the harm
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And maybe this time around I could use my other arm
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She sent me a picture, and I had to tell her
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She looked exactly like Sarah Michelle Gellar
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She even posed with a stake, it drove me loco
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It even had the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" logo
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I told her that I couldn't wait to meet her, she replied
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Said she couldn't wait either, and she had a high fever
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for the flavor of a messy wet net get-together
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She just got a new tether, and some shiny new leather
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We set up a great virtual date
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Friday night we'll log on to Instant Messenger at eight
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I can't wait, it's the first a girl and I talked
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That didn't end with the phrase "You want ketchup or salt?"
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[Chorus]
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"Well, hello there, BeverlyThrills90210."
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"Hey there, big guy."
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"Are you really as beautiful as your picture makes you out to be?"
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"And then some."
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"So are you ready for the night of your life?"
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"What did you have in mind?"
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[Verse Three: Tom Rockwell - Sudden Death]
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Well let's begin with a meeting in cyberspace
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Where you and me can properly interface
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We can chat for a while and if that does the trick
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We can meet somewhere and maybe there we can double-click
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Ooh, you move fast, I like it when you talk nasty
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I can't wait to meet, I bet you got a great ASCII
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You're my type of girl, ooh you're such a tease
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Just bring your hard drive, no floppies please
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Don't worry bout that, I can burn and rip
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And I got a big file just for you to unzip
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Cause I'm a hacker in the sack not a slacker comrade
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You just wait till you're sliding round on my mouse pad
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I hope you're not like other guys whose system bombs
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As soon as I take off my shirt and they see deez roms
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Not a chance, I'ma make you do a sideways smile
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Cause I'm the master when it comes to installin my file
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So how about tonight?
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What a great suggestion
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I'm just sitting here bufferin my net congestion
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Cause you know I don't have anything else I have to do
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I would love to spend a evening with a lady like you
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So that's how it went, and I think it went fine
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Now I'm getting ready for our little meeting at nine
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I'm so excited and I know we'll hit it off, you'll see
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| Just wait till |
