Here's a little story that I think you'll like
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It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike
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So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy
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And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky
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One day me and all my friends were hangin'
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Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin'
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Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough?
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"Rocky," (hit me home) "the boxer." Man,
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I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him?" He said,
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"He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff
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"I think that I can take him and, to prove my point,
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"I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!)
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So the very next day, stayed true to my word
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And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard
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I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd.
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"And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd!"
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I got kicked out, but the candle was lit
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'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit
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It made the headlines and I got the call
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It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl
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We negotiated terms and set the date
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Then I went into training to add some muscle weight
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While I punched on meat in a rickety shack
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He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back
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At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high
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Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye
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I talked some trash, we got pulled apart
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I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart
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Skip ahead, the big night was finally here
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My body was ripped and my mind was clear
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We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd
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People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud
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Faced off once more in the center of the ring
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Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding*
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He hit me with a left and shattered my face
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And a right sent my teeth all over the place
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Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket
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He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!"
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But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
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Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids
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They yelled out, "More!" and Rocky obliged
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I had to think of some way to turn the tides
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So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
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Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right
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Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right
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Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights
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He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em
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Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision
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He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
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The bone splinters shot right out of my skin
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People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane
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And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain
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I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
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Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)
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The doctor came out and pronounced me dead
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And that was the night I fought Rocky
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Rocky
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The Lonely Island |