[dialing]
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[Bob (Jon):] Can't believe this.
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[B:] I'm gonna kill this motherfucker.
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[sigh]
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[Jake (the other guy):] Hallo
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[B:] Hello, Jake
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[J:] Uh, hi there Bob. How is it going?
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[B:] Well, I'm just fun-fucking-tastic, Jake. How are you?
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[J:] Oh, you know. Can't complain.
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[B:] That's just fucking great.
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Hey. I just spoke with my neighbour who lives across the street,
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and he told me that you came by my house today. While I was at work.
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[J:] Oh, uh. Yeah, yeah, I just popped in there for a few minutes.
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[B:] A few minutes? My neighbour says it was more like three hours.
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So what could've you been possible doing alone in my house,
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with my wife, for three hours?
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[J:] Oh, no, no, no. Look Ia¢æ¡±
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[B:] 'Cause you see, a guy like me can get suspicious.
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[J:] Listen, uh. I can explain everything. I, Ia¢æ¡±
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[B:] Oh, I want you to explain.
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[J:] It's not what you think, um.
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[B:] Well, please, enlighten me Jake, 'cause I'm really fucking curious
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to know what you were doing.
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[J:] Look, it's nothing. It's stupid, really. I, I went over to your
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house, around one o'clock ([B:] huh), and I fucked your wife
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and then I left.
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[B:] Really...
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[J:] Really, I swear. I went over, I fucked her for a while, and
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after we both came, I just went home.
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[B:] Is my name Forest Gump, Jake?
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[J:] Um, what?
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[B:] Answer the fucking question! Is my name Forest Gump?!
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[J:] Oh, well, no.
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[B:] So why are you treating me like I'm a fucking retard.
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You expect me to believe that you were in my house for
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three hours and all you did was fuck my wife?!
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[J:] I came over, she, she blew me there for a while ([B:] aha)
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I came, so we had to wait for a while. Then we had sex in the
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kitchen, for a while, then we had sex in the living room...
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[B:] You're fucking lying to me, and I really don't like it Jake.
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You were in my house for three hours!
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[J:] No, no. It's not like that. You see, we had sex a few times,
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and then she wanted more. She said she was really wet and feeling
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dirty and she wants more than one cock inside of her ([B:] Hm).
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So we called your brother to see if he wanted to come over and
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get in on the action, and, and he said 'Yes!', so we waited around
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for about an hour. That's, that's why it took so long.
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[B:] Hmm. My brother? ([J:] Uhm)
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You and my brother double-teamed my wife?
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[J:] Oh, yeah, yeah. We gave it to her boy. In every hole.
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[B:] Aha. See, that's funny. 'Cause my brother's in Miami this week. I find
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it hard to believe that my brother flew all the way to Miami here, to
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double-team my wife with you.
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[J:] Oh, well, uhh...
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[B:] And you know what the funny thing is? The facet in my kitchen has been
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leaking for three months now. And suddenly today, of all days, it
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decided to stop leaking.
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[J:] Uh, oh, oh.
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[B:] I'm gonna give you one last chance to answer this question. And if you
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lie, I guarantee you, you're gonna regret it. What where you doing in
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my house today?!
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[J:] I'm, I'm sorry. Your wife called me, and I didn't, I didn't.
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[B:] ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!
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[J:] Your wife wanted me to fix the facet, 'cause she couldn't stand the dripping
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noise anymore. I didn't want to do it, but she begged me!
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[B:] And what did YOU do?!
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[J:] I fixed it. I fixed the facet. I'm sorry!
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[B:] You motherfucking, cocksucking piece of shit, you fucking fix my facet, you
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backstabbing FUCK!, I'm gonna fix your face, you hear me?!
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[J: (crying)] Ia¢æ¡±
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[B:] I'm gonna fix your fucking...
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|
-----------------
|
The Phonecall
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| Jon Lajoie |
