(I believe in the Zodiac
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Yeah, I do, I'm a Leo, I love Titanic
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Uh, this is something a little bit mor-
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Something a little bit morbidly ironic, my grandmother
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Uh, she was a Cancer and
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She was actually killed by a giant crab
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This is a song about the idea of irony
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So strap in!)
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My dog's stomach was very upset
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So I put him in the car and we went to the vet
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And on our way to the vet
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I killed a cat
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Hey, I said isn't that ironic?
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I adopted a child from overseas
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To rescue him from child labor factories
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And on his very first birthday, we went to Build-a-Bear workshop
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Isn't that ironic?
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Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
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A water park has burned to the ground, and a
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A tow truck has broken down
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I always used to cry when I laughed
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And then I was raped by a clown
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Isn't that ironic?
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I was watching Al Gore on CNN
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He was talking and talking and talking and then
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Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself
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Isn't that ironic?
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I dated an animal rights activist
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And one day, she got really pissed
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Because I was eating veal that was wrapped in "pita" bread
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("PETA"? Fuck it)
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Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
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I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch
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And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's "pull-out" couch
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Isn't that ironic? I-R-O-N-I-C
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Yeah, if everyday you play the board game Risk
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You've probably never taken a Risk in your life
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And Monopoly has far from a stranglehold on the board game market
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A little kid died from suffocation when he choked on a game piece from Operation
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And I can't grow a beard
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That one's not ironic, that one's just sad
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Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant
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My grandfather had Alzheimer's
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And one day we were
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-----------------
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Ironic
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| Bo Burnham |
