Once upon a time, there was a frog named Andy.
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Andy lived at the Patten Park Pond and had never hopped anywhere else his entire frog life.
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He had 3 best friends.
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Millie- who never left her lily pad, Billie- who was always hopping mad, and Roger- who was arrested for possession of tadpole porn.
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So one day, Andy saw something hop across the grass on the other side of the pond!
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"Millie, Billie, Roger, look!" said Andy.
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Across the pond stood the most beautiful frog that Andy had ever seen.
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"She's gorgeous!" said Millie.
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"She's beautiful!" said Billie.
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"BIT OLD FOR MY TASTE." said Roger.
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(Classic Roger.)
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And then she was gone.
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"I need to go find her," said Andy, "I need to follow my little frog heart."
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So Andy followed the beautiful frogs footsteps into the forest.
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He then came across a turtle.
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"You can't pass!" said the turtle.
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"Please?" said Andy.
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"NO." said the turtle.
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(and uh, this is the first long, convoluted simile.)
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Then, there was a rustling in the bushes, and like a man who had been shot in the chest with a rifle, the turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle.
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Andy kept moving, but at this point, like the doctor of a Kenyan track team, his patience ran thin.
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Andy kept moving.
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He then came across a giant crocodile, and the crocodile began to chant:
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"I woke up this morning and I sat on a log, I opened up the menu and the menu said frog!"
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Andy said, "NO! No, please let go of me, I can feel myself dying, you're ripping up my insides, I'm never gonna find her am I, there's no god is there, fuck, fuck!"
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The End.
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(If you're curious the moral of that story is irrelevant because we're humans, and it was about a.. why would it apply to us?)
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Andy The Frog
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| Bo Burnham |
